


Finding Family

by heartundone (whiteink)



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-03
Updated: 2011-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteink/pseuds/heartundone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony rescuing Ziva from Somalia is only the beginning of their story.  As their year following her rescue unfolds they find each other as they work to put Ziva’s life back together.  In the end, they find that family is what you make of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Family

“One short boss?”

Even as Tony asked, he knew the answer. She wasn’t coming. She was staying in Tel Aviv because she couldn’t stand to be around him. He didn’t even listen to Gibbs’s answer. He met McGee’s eyes for a moment before he turned away, shutting out everyone else on the plane.

She wasn’t coming home with them, and it was because of him. Everything he knew about the world shifted in an instant as he felt a cold chill in his heart. He would never see her again. She would never return on her own. He had ruined everything.

***

She felt Malachi touch her shoulder as the plane took off on the runway.

“You are not going back?”

She shook her head. “I cannot go back.”

“You loved him,” he stated simply.

“I do not know.”

“I know he loved you.”

Ziva laughed. “We both know that is a lie. The only person Michael ever loved was himself.”

Malachi looked at the plane rising into the sky. “I was not talking about Michael.”

Ziva looked at the ground and began to walk back to the car.

“You should have gone with them,” Malachi said softly coming up behind her. “Leave here and never come back.”

“You know I cannot.”

“You father is the director Ziva. Everyone will look the other way.”

She spun and faced him “I did what I had to do. And I will continue to do what I have to do.”

“And what is that?” He asked meeting her eyes.

She tried to blink away the tears that were forming. “Keep them safe.”

***

She wasn’t sure how she ended up in his apartment. An offer for drinks after dinner had led to a walk through the town and more drinks. When they reached his apartment she realized she didn’t want to be alone and had accepted his invitation for yet another drink.

Now she found herself pressed against the wall, his lips running down her neck, his hands running down her body.

He pulled away suddenly and looked at her. “Ziva.”

She ran her hands under his shirt, across the ripple of abs. “Less talking.”

“We can’t do this,” Malachi said trying to pull away.

“We can,” she grinned up at him. “Unless I am not attractive to you.”

He exhaled deeply. “You are. You definitely are.”

“Then what is the problem. Or is this no longer the Mossad way,” she said looking up him, innocence painted across her face.

“Are you Mossad?” He asked lightly. “Or a liaison officer?”

“Effective today, I am taking Michael’s place on the Keadon unit.”

“So we will be working together,” Malachi said with a smile.

She arched her eyebrow. “Will that be a problem? Should I go somewhere else tonight?”

He pulled her against him, crushing her lips to his. “Stay.”

She pressed against him, her hands tracing the contours of his muscles. He caught her lips with his and she moaned into his mouth as his hands deftly unhooked her bra. She let it slide to the floor as his mouth traveled down her neck, his hands trailing over her, marking a path for his lips.

Her hands made quick work of his pants as well as her own. Slipping them to the floor she allowed herself to be pulled to the bed. His fingers were all over her, exploring, mapping her. She slid down his firm chest and placed gently kisses across his muscles. She couldn’t resist tasting his abs. The taste was familiar. Salt and arid desert air. She could taste Tel Aviv on him.

His fingers ran along the inside of her thigh, touching briefly the tattoo that she had gotten when she was eighteen. She met his eyes and nodded. She didn’t need any more foreplay. Her body was already screaming for release and she wanted to feel something, even if it was just for the moment.

It was rougher then she usually liked, but she was the one pushing it to the brink of pain. She bit her lip, drawing blood as Tony’s name almost rolled off her tongue. She hadn’t planned for it to turn out this way.

She rolled away first. Laying on her back with her arm for a pillow, she stared at the ceiling.

Malachi nudged her shoulder. “I didn’t ... I mean that wasn’t ...”

She shook her head, stopping the question. “It was what I needed.”

She was sure she would be sore in the morning, but it wasn’t something that she would regret. If anything it was a way to deal with the pain of letting everyone she loved leave without her.

“I’m sorry,” Malachi whispered as he pulled her against him.

Had it been anyone else she would have left, but with Malachi she didn’t have the energy to fight what he already knew. Instead she let him hold her as the tears ran down her face.

***

Abby showed up at his door after Ziva had been gone for three days. The first thing she did was hit him. The second was hug him. The third was cry. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and let her.

“You let Gibbs leave her there. Why didn’t you stop him?”

“I know Abbs. I screwed up.”

She pulled away. “You did. Now fix it.”

He sighed and sunk into the sofa. “If I could, I would. But she’s gone. She won’t return my calls and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I killed her boyfriend. She’s not going to get over that.”

“You did it because he was evil,” she sat down beside him. “And because you love her.”

“Doesn’t matter. I still did it.”

Abby leaned against him. “I’m sorry Tony.”

They sat in silence as the movie he was watching played out. She cuddled against him, and he was thankful for her warm body. If she weren’t there he was sure that he would be making a drunken mistake with a random woman that he didn’t know. For him, that was easy, safe, expected. Only Abby expected better from him, and would stand between him and the disaster that was his life.

The movie ended and he patted Abby’s shoulder. “Movie’s over. You going home or do you want me to pull out the sofa.”

“Neither,” she murmured.

“Abbs.”

She opened her eyes. “Tony. This isn’t just a pity movie. This is a pity sleepover.”

He looked at her and shook his head. “Fine.”

“I’ll be in in a few minutes.”

He nodded and headed to the bedroom. A pity sleepover from anyone else would be pathetic. From Abby it was flattering.

He had just slid into bed when she came in. He grinned at her pink pajamas that were decorated with skulls wearing pink bows. Only Abby could wear something like that in his bed and get away with it. He laughed as she slid across her room in her socks and landed in a heap at the bottom of his bed. Only a sleepover with Abby could make him feel like a kid again. With a grin she slid in beside him and turned out the light. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around her and was instantly asleep.

***

There was dirt. In the air, on everything, burning into skin in a way that would never wash off. The grit of the dessert hung over everything. There was blood, salty and bitter to taste, the only reminder that death hadn’t come yet.

Threats were meaningless where there was nothing to lose. Death would be a welcome friend at the end of such torture.

Then there was a struggle, a fight. More blood and death, but it wasn’t coming as a friend, but rather as a savior. Staggering into the daylight, freedom and home on the horizon.

***

He didn’t want to let her out of his sight, but Ducky whisked her from the room as soon as Abby let her go. He had rescued her. He should be the one going to the hospital with her. Getting her settled. Making sure she was ok. It was his mission and he wasn’t ready to hand it off to someone else.

He knows she’s in good hands with Ducky, but it does nothing to quell the nerves in his stomach that she would vanish the moment she was out of his sight. He still couldn’t believe they had found her alive. As he had helped drag her onto the plane, he kept thinking that she would vanish at any moment, that he hadn’t really found her.

The last few months had been hard on him, and for a moment he wondered if he had finally lost touch with reality. Maybe everything about the rescue was a dream. Maybe he was lying in the desert slowly dying. He shook his head. Even if he was, he was dying with the knowledge that Ziva was safe.

“You really did it.”

He turned and saw Abby watching him. “What?”

“You really did it. You brought her back. It’s not a dream. It really happened,” Abby said wrapping her arms around him.

“How did you know what I was thinking?” He said with a sad smile.

“Because I know you,” she said. “You did good, Tony. Just accept it. You really brought her back.”

“I didn’t expect to find her Abbs,” Tony said with a frown. “I just went there wanting revenge. And then there she was.”

Abby nodded, and he saw the tears forming in her eyes. He opened his arms and she flew into them. Wrapping is arms around her, he gave into his exhaustion and emotions and clung to her. He wasn’t dreaming, he had really done it.

Abby pulled away first and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Go home Tony. Get some sleep.”

He nodded. “I know. I will. But not yet.”

***

She thought about asking Ducky if Tony could come with them, but she was too tired to form the words. She also thought that she might be delirious and would wake up in the morning to find that she was still a captive in Somalia. When she had seen Tony, the first thing she felt was anger. Both at him for getting himself and McGee into her impossible situation, but also at herself for getting herself into the situation.

He had come for her. She had held a gun on him, threatened him, and abandon him, yet he had come for her. She still couldn’t believe it.

She smiled sadly at Ducky as he performed all the necessary tests on her ravaged body, She knew he was trying to regal her with stories to take her mind off the past few months, but all she could think was that she needed to see Tony, to feel his arms around her, to cry on his shoulder. Until then, none of this would be real.

Ducky was just as she remembered, fussing over her, trying to convince her to go to the hospital. Reminding her that her body had been through a lot. She refused the hospital, wishing for nothing more than to see Tony one more time and get some sleep.

Ducky agreed she could bypass the hospital, if she stayed the night at his place. She nodded, and was quickly taken from the morgue. Ducky seemed to understand what she needed most because he stopped to see Gibbs before they left, leaving her beside Tony’s desk.

She reached her hand out to Tony, touching him to make sure he was real. Tony looked up at her, and she realized he looked as though he had aged ten years since she left him. She opened her mouth, but couldn’t find the words. Tony only nodded and stood, opening his arms to her. She fell into them, clinging to his shirt, ignoring the smell of Somalia and instead breathing deeper, inhaling the scent that was the essence of Tony.

***

He let her out of his sight and now he hadn’t talked to her for days. He knew that Ducky was telling the truth. She was tired. She needed rest, she needed to heal. But he needed to see her. He needed to touch her and know that she was really there and that it wasn’t just a dream. Now that the dirt of Somalia was finally washed off, he was starting to think it had all been a bad dream. Maybe they hadn’t brought her back. Maybe they died over there, and the moment he thought she was rescued was the closest to heaven that he would ever get.

When she stepped off the elevator, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She looked almost normal, almost healed. Looking into her eyes, he could see below the surface she wasn’t. But it didn’t matter. She was back, and no matter how long it took - he would make her whole. No matter what she needed, he would be there. He had promised himself that. He would never leave her again, no matter what.

***

He was a cop. That much Ziva knew. But he was also crazy. That was the only thing that could account for his abrupt departure while she was trying to have a serious conversation with him. She looked around the bathroom, empty except for her. Looking into the mirror, she frowned and splashed water onto her face. She wanted back on the team. She missed them, and she was sure that Tony would argue that they needed her. She wasn’t so sure but that didn’t get rid of the gnawing need in her stomach to be back.

Looking around the bathroom she sighed. It would be hours until they were back, and even then there was no guarantee they could, or would, tell her about the case. She touched her pocket. The apartment key Tony had slipped her earlier was still there. With a nod to her figure in the mirror, she headed out the door and over to Tony’s apartment. At least there she was sure he would see her.

***

Tony juggled the pizza and the six pack of beer in one hand as he struggled to unlock the door with the other. Stepping inside he wasn’t surprised to find _The Sound of Music_ playing softly on his flat screen TV. He had left the movie out on his coffee table since they night they came back to DC, just waiting until she came over to watch it. He was surprised to see two plates and a bottle opener on the coffee table beside the open DVD case.

Setting the pizza down, he sat down beside Ziva with a smile. “We solved the case. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

She barely nodded as she leaned forward to grab a piece of pizza. Sliding it on a plate, she slumped against the back of the sofa and took a bite, sighing softly as the cheese stretched from the pizza to her lips. He grinned and considered kissing her right then. It was the first think he had seen her do that really made him realize she was back and not just some figment of his imagination.

“When are you coming back to work?”

Ziva turned to him and shrugged. “I do not know if I am.”

“Why?”

“I am not Mossad. And I am not an American. ” Ziva bit her lip and looked up at him. “I do not even know if I can work for NCIS again.”

Tony handed her an open beer and wrapped his arm around her shoulder drawing her closer to him. He felt her flinch against his touch before settling beside him and he silently cursed Saleem and Eli both for what she had been through. He took a bite of his own pizza as he thought over his next words. “Do you want to come back?”

She nodded against his shoulder. “Yes.”

“Then we’ll make it happen. Just show up, sit down at your desk and wait for Gibbs to put you to work. He’ll figure everything else out.”

She sighed and buried her head into his shoulder. Tony gently rubbed her arm, and leaned his head against her. Finally he heard her muffled voice. “He does not want me.”

“Who?”

“Gibbs.”

“Did he say that?”

She shook her head, and he thought he heard her sob. Taking the pizza from both of their laps he set the plates on the table, and repeated the action with the beer. Shifting on the sofa, he placed his hand under her chin, forcing her to raise her head up to look at him. Tears were falling silently from her eyes, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to stop them. The times that he had ever seen Ziva cry could be counted on one hand. She never let her emotions show, and for a moment he wondered what could have happened to her to make her change something that was so ingrained her.

“What happened Ziva? Why wouldn’t Gibbs want you back? Why would he let us drag you back from hell if he didn’t want you?”

She shook her head. “If I tell you, you will not want me either.”

Tony’s hands fell to her shoulders, and his fingers wrapped around them tighter then he knew they should, but he couldn’t stop himself. She was right in front of him, but not. Something had changed in her, and he didn’t know how to bring her back. He was about to shake her when she met his eyes with fear. He quickly released her shoulders and wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug. Kissing her hair her whispered apologies into her ear.

Pulling back he met her eyes. “I will never not want you Ziva. I will keep going to the ends of the earth to save you if I have to. But I will never stop wanting you no matter what you did.”

She bit her lip and stared at him. “I killed Ari.”

Tony nodded. “Your brother was a bastard Ziva.”

“Eli told me to.”

Tony just nodded, the words knocking the air out of his chest for a moment. He always knew something more than Gibbs killing Ari had happened before Ziva joined the team, but he hadn’t expected that. Taking a breath, he took Ziva’s hands in his and squeezed them reassuringly. “Your father is an even bigger bastard then your brother.”

“That is all you are going to say?” She asked, shaking her head. “My father and brother are bastards. You do not have anything else to say? I have held that lie for four years and that is all you can say? Are you sure you do not want to accuse me of anything?”

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to ask if you were sent here to spy on us? That you were a plant? I don’t care Ziva. You are not your father or your brother, you aren’t like them. I never had the privilege to know Tali, but if I had to guess you two were more alike then you knew. Any orders your father gave doesn’t change a thing. I’m sorry you had to hold onto that by yourself for four years. I wish you had told me sooner. But it doesn’t change anything,” he laced his fingers through hers. “Do you want to tell me about it now? Get rid of its weight and let it go?”

Ziva pulled her hands from his and shifted until she was laying against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she gently wove her fingers back through his. He was silent as she told the whole story. The demands of her father, his disbelief in Ari’s guilt, and the heartbreaking decision she made when he confessed. He listened as she told of her father’s approval when she returned and of her disgust for everything her father stood for. She explained without crying why she had desperately called Jenny to rescue her, and why she knew that DC with Gibbs and his team would be the only place that she could feel safe. She finished by explaining what had happened in Gibbs’s basement and how she knew he was still upset, and she was scared he was done with her.

When she finished Tony didn’t have any words that could make her feel better. He gently kissed the top of her head and held her until he felt her body, which had grown ridged during her story, relax against him again.

“Thank you,” she whispered suddenly.

“It doesn’t change anything. Not to me, and not to Gibbs. You know him better than that. It may have surprised him, but it doesn’t change anything. He will still want you back.”

“And if he does not?”

“Then he’ll lose his whole team. If he doesn’t take you back, I’ll quit. And you know McGee will follow me without even knowing why; if he followed me to the desert, he’d follow me in resigning. Which means Abby will leave too. I bet Ducky and Palmer would even quit for you,” Tony laughed and pulled her closer. “Gibbs will quit before he loses you.”

“I do not know what to do,” she whispered.

“Right now, we’ll just finish our pizza, watch a movie, and relax. Tomorrow we’ll deal with tomorrow,” he gently ran his fingers through her hair. “And whatever happens tomorrow, we’ll deal with it together.”

***

She really was remarkable. Tony had always known that, but tonight she proved it again. After emptying her soul to him, she had cuddled against him, eaten her pizza and fallen asleep. He was sure it was partly because she was exhausted, yet at the same time he knew it was because she felt safe. With a soft smile, he brushed her hair from her face before carefully shifting her so she was sleeping on the sofa and not him.

Standing, he grabbed a blanket and gently laid it over her. He leaned down and softly kissed her forehead before stepping back and staring. He still couldn’t believe she was here, that she had survived Somalia, that he had drug her out of the terrorists camp, that she actually came back to the US. If he thought about it too long, it overwhelmed him.

With a final glance at her he turned and headed down the hallway into his bedroom. Slipping out of his clothes he fell into bed wearing just his boxers. He had just closed his eyes when he heard his bedroom door open. He stayed silent as he heard Ziva cross the room. He heard her stop midway across his floor, and he frowned.

“You coming in Ziva?” He asked softly.

“I am sorry Tony. I did not mean to fall asleep out there. I just wanted to tell you I was leaving.”

“To go where?” He asked sitting up.

“To...” she trailed off and shrugged. “Back to my place.”

“You don’t have a place,” he said shaking his head. He pulled back the covers. “Stay here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll look for an apartment for you.”

“I can sleep on the couch,” she said turning to leave.

“You can,” he pulled the sheets back further. “Or you can stay here. I’d rather you stayed here. I promise to behave.”

He was pleased when she nodded and turned back into the room. With a smile he laid back down. “Shirts are in the top drawer if you want to change.”

He rolled over and shut his eyes as he heard his dresser open. She slid in beside him a few moments later and he had to concentrate on not rolling over and possessively wrapping his arms around her. Instead he let her choose her sleeping position, and was pleased when she slipped beside him, her hand gently touching his arm.

He shifted slightly till he was laying on his back and smiled when she rolled closer, resting her head in the curve of his shoulder.

“Night Ziva,” he whispered, wrapping his arm around her lightly.

She didn’t answer and instead cuddled against him and instantly fell asleep.

***

She woke up screaming and calling out for her mother. When Tony touched her shoulder she immediately stopped and looked at him, a single tear escaping from her eye.

“It’s ok Ziva,” he said softly, pulling her close. “I’ve got you.”

She pulled away. “I am fine Tony.”

“That didn’t sound fine.”

She rolled over, putting distance between them. “I am fine.”

She heard him sigh as his hand gently touched her back. She fought the desire to climb out of the bed and walk out of the room. She didn’t know how to accept his comfort without feeling weak. At the same time, she wanted to roll back over, hide in his arms and cry no matter how weak it made her. Had she known how to be that person, she would have gone to him in an instant, but needing people was something that was new to her. She had been taught early on that she could only rely on herself. She hadn’t needed anyone in the past, and she had learned quickly that tears weren’t worth the water it wasted to make them with no one to brush them away. She had lived without tears and without emotions for so long that she felt like she was being hit with all of them at once. The rush of emotions was overwhelming and she didn’t know how to run or hide from them.

“Ziva?” The bed shifted as he rolled closer, making the decision for her. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her against his chest. “Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”

“I do not want to talk about it Tony,” she whispered as she buried her head in his arms.

He kissed the back of your head. “One day will you talk about it?”

“When I am ready. _If_ I am every ready. You will be the one I tell.”

“Good enough,” he said as he pulled them both back to the center of the bed. “Go back to sleep now.”

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. In the past, sleep wouldn’t have come after her nightmare, but being in Tony’s arms she felt safe enough to close her eyes and try. Even if the dreams returned, she wouldn’t be lost in them alone. Tony would always be there for her.

***

Tony didn’t mention the nightmare in the morning. Instead he made coffee and waffles. He grinned at her and he filled her plate with food. She was to thin after her stay in the desert, and he planned to take it upon himself to push food into her until she looked healthy again.

“Bacon?” He asked showing her the skillet.

She nodded. “Yes please.”

“It’s not kosher,” he warned with a grin as he slid half the pan of meat onto her plate.

“I am not kosher,” she said with a shrug.

“So I thought we would go check out some apartments today. And maybe some shopping. Get you a new wardrobe.”

She nodded. “I have to pick up some paperwork from the embassy and take them to the bank so they will let me access my accounts. Then I am ready.”

“Do you know where you want to look at apartments?”

“Are you really going to avoid talking about last night all day, Tony?” Ziva asked as she took a bite of her bacon.

He shook his head. “You said you didn’t want to talk about it, so I’m not going to push you.”

He had decided when he woke up that morning that talking about would be up to her. When she was ready to bring it up, she could. Until then he would work at finding other ways to care for her. Feeding her and helping her find a new place was only the beginning of his plan. With a little luck and a lot of care, he would make sure that Ziva never wanted to leave again.

“Thank you Tony.”

Tony leaned over and ruffled her hair. “When you want to talk, I will be here. But I will not make you talk.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “That you for understanding.”

Tony nodded as he piled food onto his own plate. He knew that she needed to talk, but he wasn’t going to push her. All he wanted was for her to know that he was here, and that he wasn’t going anywhere. And he hoped that when she felt safe enough, she would talk.

***

They had looked at five apartments, and she could tell that Tony was getting frustrated. But nothing seemed to fit who she felt like. After three months trapped in a dark room, all she could think about was light. Rooms with small windows, or at times, no windows at all made her feel trapped. She wanted somewhere with big windows, and maybe even a balcony that she could step out on.

It was the sixth apartment that suited her perfectly. The tiny corner apartment had everything she wanted. Every room had a window, the track lighting was bright and cheerful, and there were no dark corners. Even the bathroom had a decorative glass window that let light into the room. The private balcony opened out off the bedroom, and she could picture being able to look out the glass sliding door at night and see the lights of the city.

She looked around the empty apartment and back at Tony. “This one.”

He laughed. “Are you sure?”

She nodded.

“It’s smaller than your old place. Only has a single bedroom.”

“I know. But I like this apartment. It’s light. And it has a balcony. And lots of windows. And I don’t need a second bedroom. Anyways, I do not have furniture for one bedroom, let alone two.”

Tony nodded and took her hand. Squeezing it, he smiled. “We can get you furniture.”

She shrugged. “I like it here.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” she smiled up at him. “And you know the best thing?”

“I’m less than a mile away?” He asked wiggling his eyebrows.

She laughed. “I was going to say the balcony. But you are a close second.”

“I like it when you laugh,” Tony said softly, meeting her eyes.

She felt the blush running up her face and she looked away. It felt good to laugh, but there was always that moment for her after she laughed, or smiled, or did anything normal where she found herself questioning if it was really happening, or if she had lost her mind in the desert and this whole thing was only a dream to help her cope.

Tony reached out and pinched her arm lightly.

“Oww,” she said, rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”

“Because you checked out on me,” he smiled. “You’re really her Ziva. We rescued you and you’re really here. This isn’t a dream.”

***

“Maybe you should look for her,” Tony said lightly as he sat a dinner plate in front of Ziva.

She picked up her fork and looked at the pasta. “Who?”

“Your mother.”

Ziva shook her head. “No. It has been too long. I do not know what I would say to her.”

“I love you? I miss you?” Tony said softly. “I’m scared?”

“I am not scared.”

“You woke up screaming her name. Not mine, not Gibbs, not even Eli’s. Don’t you wonder why?”

She shrugged. “Nightmares. I used to call out to her as a child. It is nothing.”

“Ziva,” Tony said, reaching his hand across the table. “Think about it.”

“There is nothing to think about Tony. Please leave it be.”

He nodded and took a bite of his pasta. He watched Ziva do the same and grinned at the happy look on her face as she tasted his homemade sauce.

***

When Malachi came to collect her, Ziva was ready to fight. Going back to Tel Aviv was never an option. She belonged in DC and with NCIS. Looking at Malachi in interrogation, she knew that he knew it too. He was doing what he was sent to do, but his heart wasn’t in it. He had tried to send her back to DC before, and she knew that he wouldn’t drag her back to the desert. If anything, he seemed jealous of what she had found.

Telling Gibbs everything that had happened was harder than she ever thought that it would be. But saying it, telling the whole story, made her feel better. The vile feeling she had felt since her rescue began to go away as she told Gibbs what happened on the Damocles. The words got easier as she got further into the story.

She knew Tony was in the observation room. She couldn’t see him, but she knew there was nowhere else that he would be. If she needed him, he would be in the room for her in an instant. Knowing that made it easier to expel the truth of that day on the ship. Knowing he had her back no matter what made everything easier.

Gibbs leaned in and whispered in her ear the words she needed to hear. The words that affirmed the things that Tony had already told her. Words that would allow her to continue healing from the past and learning to handle what her future would bring. She knew she still had a long road, but knowing that she didn’t need to travel it alone helped.

***

Tony kept remembering the two of them in the interrogation room. The way Malachi had looked at her. The way she had looked back. He knew it would be safer to keep his mouth shut and not ask. As they stepped out of the elevator and headed toward the parking garage, he watched her. He knew he shouldn’t ask, and he knew he didn’t have a right to ask. But that didn’t make the gnawing sensation in his stomach any better.

“Did you sleep with him?” The accusation was out of Tony’s mouth before he could stop it.

“Who?” she asked, looking up. “Malachi?”

His eyes met hers and he tried to think of a way out of what he was asking. She slept with Michael, she had slept with a handful of men she met from NCIS cases. Malachi wasn’t any different. Except the fact that she might have slept with him bothered Tony more than any of the others. While he wouldn’t consider Malachi a friend, he did hold some respect for him. He couldn’t think of a way out of the question so he shrugged and waited for her to not answer.

“Yes,” she answered simply, surprising him with an answer, her eyes never leaving his.

He turned away, angry at himself for asking, and angry at her for saying yes. “Habit of yours?”

“What?”

“Sleeping with your partners,” The words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them and he could feel his blood rushing in his ears as his jealousy rose.

She narrowed her eyes, “I have not slept will all my partners.”

“Right,” he laughed. “Just the Israeli ones.”

Ziva leaned against the car with a sigh. “Do you really want this?”

“What?”

“This fight,” she bit her lower lip and refused to meet his eyes. “I thought we had moved beyond this.”

“Moved beyond the fact that you slept with a guy that tried to kill me, then one that left you for dead in Africa,” he shook his head. “You have horrible taste in men.”

She looked up and met his eyes. “I guess I do.”

She turned and opened her car door before he could stop her. “That’s it? No fight? You just leave?”

She turned and looked back. “I am tired of fighting you Tony. I am tired of being that person who is always being picked at and who is always picking back. I do not like it anymore. I had hoped we could move beyond that. But it is clear you will always be a spoiled frat boy. I will see you on Monday.”

She slid into her car and slammed the door. It wasn’t until she had pulled out that Tony realized what she had said. _Monday_. Today was Friday and the whole weekend was ahead of him and she didn’t want to see him. He headed silently toward his car lost in thought and pulled out, heading towards his apartment for a lack of anywhere better to go.

He had always picked fights with Ziva and she had always risen to the occasion. He hadn’t expected this to be any different. Except it was. Instead of rising to the fight, she had thrown in the towel and walked away. She didn’t want to fight with him, and when he thought about it, he didn’t want to fight with her either. It was a game that was getting old. And in the end, he was alone, and wrong. Mostly he realized he was wrong. They should have moved beyond it. He should have moved beyond it.

He looked around and suddenly realized how close he was to Ziva’s apartment. Having his place only a mile away from hers was going to be more convenient than he had ever imagined. A plan began to form in his head as he turned and headed toward her favorite ice cream place.

***

Her car was parked in its space and he knew she had to be home. The only trick left was convincing her to let him in. He considered the possibility of buzzing a neighbor in hopes of getting in, or sitting on the steps until someone else from her building came along. As he walked toward the apartment building he saw a familiar head of brown curls sitting on the steps. She didn’t look up when he sat down beside her.

“I’m sorry,” The words sounded hollow, and he knew it wasn’t enough. He slid the bag of ice cream toward her until he was sure she could see it. “I messed up. And it won’t be the last time. But I don’t want you to leave, and I don’t ever want to say something to hurt you and make you leave. And I promise I won’t fight with you on purpose. I just don’t want to be shut out like that again. You can kick my ass if you want, but please don’t go anywhere.”

“It was the night you left,” she said quietly, still not looking up.

“What?”

“Malachi and I,” she reached out and placed her hand on his knee. “I do not know why it happened. It just seemed right. We both wanted to forget everything, and escape. And after, nothing in the world was different. I did it because I was mad that the plane took off without me. I was alone. I was home and more alone than I had ever been in my life. And he was there for me. It was just one night that did not mean anything to either of us.”

Tony sighed and wrapped his arm around her. “I’m so sorry I let the plane leave.”

“I did not leave Gibbs a choice. You or me. That was the option I gave him. I knew he would pick you.”

“I don’t care who you slept with Ziva. Or why,” he paused and nervously cleared his throat. “I just care about who you haven’t slept with. And I don’t know why.”

She turned and looked at him. “Who?”

“Me,” he muttered.

“What?” she asked, leaning against him until their shoulders touched.

“Never mind,” he said running his fingers through his hair. “The point is that I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you. And I don’t want to spend the weekend alone. I want to spend it with you.”

“You are jealous,” she said suddenly shaking her head. “Of Malachi.”

Tony rubbed his eyes with his hand. “No. Well, maybe. A little.”

She took a deep breath. “In Mossad there is no rule twelve. There does not need to be. Romance and love and feelings do not exist. What we do, we do to stave off the loneness, and it is nothing more than that. I have never been lonely at NCIS.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I did not sleep with Malachi because I had feelings for him. He and I have been friends for years. I trusted him; I knew he did not expect anything beyond the physical release. I did it because we both wanted to feel something. You are different. You are not like any other partner that I have had. I do not want something that is just physical with you.”

“It doesn’t matter Ziva.”

“Yes it does Tony,” she said softly. She paused but didn’t continue.

“When you’re ready. When _we’re_ ready. It’ll happen. And until then, we’ll keep doing what we’re doing.”

She nodded.”Ok.”

“And I’m not spending the weekend alone. And you’re not eating this ice cream alone.”

She nodded and took his hand, allowing him to pull her off the stair. Tony grinned at her as she led them into her apartment. There were other things that he wanted to say, but they could wait until another day.

***

She led him into her apartment partly because she didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t remember how to be alone. Alone was what she had been all summer, and it terrified her. From the moment she had driven away, she didn’t know what she would do with her weekend. Before Somalia she would have gone out with friends, flirted with guys at a club, or just sat in the park and read.

After Somalia she felt lost. Her friends she had known since she first came to the U.S. were distant. Most of them were former Mossad contacts, or friends of contacts and they didn’t know how to handle her capture or her choice to resign from Mossad. They were part of a life that she no longer wanted anything to do with, and without the familiar ties that had bound them to friendship previously, she was realizing that they had nothing in common.

Sitting on her apartment steps she had almost considered calling Malachi. She knew it would have been one of the worst choices she could have made, but he was the only friend she could think of who would understand her side of the story. He had been involved in her side of the story, and was the only one that could truly understand why she did what she did. And outside of NCIS he was the only person that she felt like she could talk to. He would do what he told her father he would do, but she also knew he would be the friend she could lean on.

Then Tony came. With ice cream, and an apology. And she realized how much she had changed. She didn’t want to hurt him with her words and actions. Get under his skin and poke around, yes. But she didn’t want to hurt him. He and the rest of the team were the only thing that she had left. They were her family.

“Ziva?” he whispered as she closed the door. “Are you ok?”

She shook her head. “We are fine Tony.”

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if _you_ were ok.”

Ziva bit her lip, considering the question. “I do not know.”

“What’s on your mind?” he asked as he headed into the kitchen to grab spoons for their ice cream.

She followed him, and sat down at the table. “I am alone Tony. And I do not know....”

“You’re not alone Ziva. You’ve got all of us.”

She nodded. “In Mossad, I was never alone. There was never time to be. We did not go out and have relationships, or meet people. We had contacts; we had meaningless relationships with our partners because they were the only people that we knew. When I came to NCIS, it was the first time of not always being at work. It used to be nice. Now I do not like being alone.”

Tony reached across the table, offering her his hand. “Why don’t you like it?”

She looked at his hand and slowly laced her fingers through his. “It lets me think.”

“That’s a bad thing?”

“There are some things I would rather forget,” she said softly, her grasp on his hand tightening.

“Somalia?”

She nodded. “And Tel Aviv before you left. And after you left.”

“Any time you want to talk,” Tony said, offering her a soft smile. “I know today was hard enough with Gibbs, but I’m always here to listen to whatever you need to say. What you said to him is only the tip of what you’ve been holding in.”

Ziva nodded considering his words. She still wasn’t ready to talk about Somalia, but there were things that she needed to settle with Tony. Too many things had been left unsaid for too long. Even after her confession about Ari, there were too many things that she had let go and never told him. “Now?”

“Sofa?” Tony asked gathering up the ice cream.

She nodded and followed him into the living room. Curling up on the sofa she took the ice cream that he offered her and leaned against him. After a few bites she started talking.

Confessing that she felt alone made her feel better. Confessing the guilt she had been carrying around with her for months made her feel relieved. She appreciated that Tony wrapped his arm around her when she started talking about Michael and Tel Aviv. She apologized for knocking him to the ground in Tel Aviv and holding a gun on him. She was thankful that he only rubbed her shoulder and didn’t comment.

By the time she was done talking, she felt better. Tired, but better. She sat in silence, waiting for Tony to say something to her about everything she had confessed. When he didn’t she looked over at him, expecting to find that he had fallen asleep. Instead she found that he was looking at her intensely.

She opened her mouth to ask him what he was thinking when he leaned down and kissed her. He was soft and tentative at first, but when she responded he deepened the kiss. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the sensation of his lips on hers. They had done this as undercover agents before, but it had been nothing like this. That had been a game where they ended up playing chicken with each other, both refusing to admit they might feel something beyond the case.

He pulled away first and smiled softly at her. “It’s ok Ziva. I know it sounds trite, but it’s really ok. You’re not alone. You’re stuck with us. No matter what, we will always be here for you.”

She nodded and stood, tugging at his arm. “Stay tonight. I do not want to be alone.”

“Of course,” Tony said standing and following her to the bedroom.

***

He tread softly behind her into her bedroom. He smiled at the balcony that she was so happy to have. Sheer curtains hung around the door, and he could see a small table and chairs that she had bought. Everything else about her apartment was still sterile and impersonal, but the balcony and her bedroom really showed her personality.

She had chosen a queen size bed and an old-fashioned quilt to go on top of it. He silently helped her pull it off, and tuck it onto the bench at the end of the bed. With a smile she stepped into her walk-in closet to pull on some night clothes. He sat at the end of the bed and tugged off his socks. Looking down at his jeans he considered running out to his car to find a pair of sweats. He heard her behind him and he turned.

“I was just going to run down to my car and find something more comfortable,” he said motioning to his jeans.

“It is a warm night,” she said with a soft grin. “You will not need pants.”

He looked at her, considering her words as he eyed the tank and shorts she wore. He saw the fading yellowing bruises and red scars on her legs and nodded. “Ok.”

He tried not to stare at her legs, but he knew he had failed. Ducky had already advised him what she had been through, and even though she had been careful not to let him see her legs, he could tell from the few times they had shared a bed that her legs were worse then she let on.

She looked at her legs and back at him. “Ducky says that they will heal.”

He noticed the tears forming in her eyes and wanted to wipe them away. He pulled his jeans off and tossed them onto the bench. “Even if they don’t. It doesn’t change anything.”

She slid under the sheets. “Thank you.”

He slid beside her, pulling her against his chest. There were so many things that he could think of to say but none sounded right. He leaned in and kissed her softly. She snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes. Maybe there was nothing he could say. Maybe all he needed to do was hold her.

***

She woke herself up screaming. When she opened her eyes she saw Tony watching her. She expected him to say something. She thought he would force her to talk. Instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. She took a deep breath, breathing him in. He smelled of aftershave and night air. It was a fresher smell than her dreams had moist dirt and stale water. She allowed herself a moment to cling to him silently before pulling away.

“Somalia?” he asked quietly.

She nodded.

“Do you need anything? A glass of water maybe?”

She shook her head and laid her head on his chest. “Do not leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he gently rubbed her back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s always the same. The tiny cell, the damp darkness where I could not keep track of time,” she laughed sadly. “Most people would have nightmares about the torture. But I do not. What scares me is the moments that I was left alone with myself.”

“You’re not alone now,” Tony murmured softly, running his hand across her back.

She nodded and closed her eyes. “Thank you.”

She waited for Tony to say something, but instead he only tightened his hold on her and kissed her forehead. Cuddling against him she shut her eyes and fell into an easy sleep.

***

Tony looked up from his desk when he heard Gibbs call her Probie. He caught the grin on her face as Gibbs set the form on the stack of files. He felt relief as he met her eyes. She was staying. All the worry and the panic was for nothing because she was staying at NCIS. He wanted to cross the room, take her in his arms and swing her around. Instead he quietly grabbed his phone to call in a favor.

McGee and Gibbs left shortly but Ziva still sat behind her desk working through some paperwork.

“You about ready to leave?” Tony asked standing and crossing the room.

“Almost,” she grinned at him. “I just wanted to finish up some stuff.”

He closed the folder in front of her. “You are done. We’re leaving now. Otherwise we’ll miss our reservations.”

“For what?” she asked, looking at the closed folder.

“Go home. Get dressed up, and I’ll swing by and pick you up. Maybe wear the green dress,” he said. “We’re going out to celebrate your new position. Probationary Agent Ziva David.”

“In that case, I accept,” she said with a grin.

Tony leaned down and gently kissed her cheek. “See you at your place in an hour.”

***

“Here?” She asked softly. “We’re eating here?”

Tony nodded as she looked up in awe at the PassionFish sign. She had mentioned to Tony once, a couple of years ago when it opened that it was somewhere she wanted to try. She never had the chance, partly because she never had anyone who would have gone with her before. Now Tony was treating her to dinner here. It was the perfect end to her perfect day.

“I’ve always wanted to eat here.”

“I know,” Tony said with a grin. “I had to call in a few favors, but it will be worth it.”

“Thank you Tony.”

He leaned down and kissed her. “You’re welcome.”

She grinned back at him as he pulled away and tugged her in the door. She knew dinner wouldn’t disappoint as she was with the only person that she could imagine spending it with.

Once they were seated and he had ordered wine, he looked at her with a frown in his eyes.

“What is it Tony?” She asked softly.

“What’s the next step?” He asked with a frown. “You’ve been approved to work, but what next?”

She shrugged. “I become an American.”

“Just like that?” he said with a gently laugh.

She nodded. “Just like that. There is more to it. A test, renouncing Israel, things like that. But I have made this decision, and I will see it through.”

Tony nodded and let the subject drop. With a smile she took his hand at the conversation drifted from topic to topic. The food was amazing, and the company even better. It surprised her to find that even after knowing Tony for as long as she had, he could always surprise her.

***

He wasn’t sure who started it. All he meant to do was drop Ziva off at her apartment. But when she smiled at him and invited him in for a drink, he couldn’t say no. They had spent the night at each other’s places a few times over the last few weeks, and nothing beyond sleep had happened. He knew that Ziva was hesitant to spend the night alone, so any time she looked up at him with those brown eyes full of vulnerability he stayed, or ushered her into his apartment. He still remembered the night she had shown up at his door at two in the morning in tears. She hadn’t said a word, but has pulled him into his bedroom and promptly fallen asleep with her head on his chest. He had been sure this was going to be one of those times.

She had gone into the bedroom to change and he had grabbed something from his go bag to put on. When she came out of the bedroom, he grinned. She was dressed in a simple tank and short pj set but it took his breath away. He could see the fading scars on her legs and somehow the fact that he was the only one that had seen how they were healing was more intimate than anything else in their relationship.

He handed her a glass of wine. “Movie?”

She nodded, snuggling beside him.

Halfway into the movie the wine was gone, and she was almost asleep in his arms. Without turning the movie off her lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom. She caught his wrist as he laid her on the bed. He turned to go, planning to clean up the living room and turn off the TV before joining her.

***

“Stay,” Ziva asked softly, looking up at him.

He nodded and slid into the bed beside her. She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. Usually she pulled away before things got to intense, but tonight she didn’t want to. Instead of pulling away she deepened the kiss. When she was locked up in Somalia all she had wanted was the chance to kiss him, and tell him all the things that she had never had the nerve to.

Without thinking, she slid her hand under the back of his shirt and pulled him closer to her. He groaned at the change in position and she grinned against his lips.

Pulling away he met her eyes, silently asking her if she was sure. She nodded up at him and tried to tug his t-shirt off him. Catching the hem of his shirt he pulled it off in one fluid motion before running a hand under her tank. She shifted on the bed and helped him slide it of off of her.

He trailed kisses down her neck, his hands gently touching her hips. His lips lazily dipped to her chest and she gasped as his tongue swirled around her nipple.

He was gentle, but his fingers and mouth hit all the right places. There was nothing rushed about what he was doing to her, and she knew if she let him, he wouldn’t stop. Pulling him back up her body she crushed her lips into his. Running her hand over his bare back, she pulled him against her, not caring how it made her look. He only laughed and buried his head in her neck.

When he finally slid into her, she closed her eyes as they almost rolled back into her head. Nothing had ever felt this right before. He kissed her eyelids before he began to move inside her and she opened her eyes to meet his.

***

Ziva was already in the kitchen when he got up. Silently he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

She shook her head. “They are not worth that much.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked, kissing her neck.

“I was thinking about what you said,” she shrugged and turned toward him. “Maybe I do need to find her.”

“Do you want me to help?” Tony asked, brushing her hair from her face.

Ziva bit her lip and looked up at him. “I do not know where to start. I have not seen her since I was eighteen.”

“Do you trust me Ziva? “ he asked softly.

She looked up at him and nodded. “You know I do.”

“I will find a lead. And we’ll take it from there.”

She opened her mouth to protest and he silenced her with a kiss. As the kiss deepened he pulled her closer to him, running his fingers through her hair. She pulled away first and looked up at him.

“I promise Ziva. I’ll take care of it.”

***

Ziva smiled at Tony as he handed the gift to Deloris. She wasn’t going to tell him that she had known Deloris for a few years, and she would like anything that anyone got her. Contrary to what Tony thought about her, Deloris was on occasion a very nice person.

Ziva grinned to herself. Tony had certainly outdone himself with her Christmas gift. Looking in personal files and everything just to impress her. Ziva wasn’t naive enough to think that he did it to impress Deloris. She knew that the only reason he had worked so hard was because he wanted her to be impressed. And she was.

For a moment she regretted telling Tony that they didn’t need to exchange gifts. It would have been nice to see what he got her. She met his eyes and smiled. He had already saved her; there wasn’t anything else that she needed.

Tony was beside her as soon as Deloris was back in her office.

“Did I do good?”

“You did very good,” she said with a smile as he took her hand. “I almost wish I was getting a gift.”

“Who said you weren’t? We’re going back to my place, and I fully expect to give you quite a few gifts tonight. Multiple gifts you might say.”

She shook her head and hit him lightly. “That is not what I meant. But I will take that gift.”

Tony wrapped his arm around her and gently rubbed her arm. “You ok Ziva?”

“Why would I not be?”

“I just wanted to make sure the case didn’t get to you.”

Ziva nodded. A brother killing a brother. Something she could understand. “I am fine Tony. It is not the same at all.”

“I know it’s not. I just wanted to be sure,” he said lightly kissing the side of her head.

“I am fine Tony,” she said leaning into him. “If I need to talk to you, I will.”

***

Tony softly placed the small red box on Ziva’s stomach. He smiled when she mumbled in her sleep but didn’t wake. Leaning forward he softly kissed her nose. She stirred slightly, and opened her eyes.

“Merry Christmas,” he said grinning at her.

“Too early,” she muttered, closing her eyes.

He laughed. “It’s never too early for presents. And it looks like you already got one.”

Opening her eyes she looked at her stomach and then back up at him. “I thought we decided no presents.”

“Did you get me anything?” He asked with a laugh.

She blushed. “Maybe.”

“Open it,” he said softly.

She smiled at him and picked up the small box. Opening it she gasp. “Tony, it’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it. Abby helped me pick it out. I know it’s not like your old one, but I didn’t know if you would want something that reminded you of your old one or not,” he stumbled around his words.

She held up the Star of David necklace. “Put it on me.”

She shifted and he slid the necklace around her neck and secured it. “Perfect.”

“Thank you,” she said as she turned back to him and kissed his cheek softly.

“You like it?”

She nodded. “I like that it is different,” Ziva paused and took a deep breath. “My mother got me the other one. She gave it to me when I was eight. I do not think I would have liked something that looked similar.”

“I wish I could have found your mother for you for Christmas,” Tony said softly.

“It is ok, Tony. I did not expect it to be easy,” she said looking down at the chain around her neck. “We will do what we can. If we find her we do, if we do not, I will live with that.”

“I know Ziva. I just wish I could do more,” he kissed her forehead. “So what did you get me?”

He grinned as she rolled her eyes. This was the first year she had agreed to celebrating Christmas and he knew that the no gift rule would quickly be broken. He could only hope she didn’t get to upset when she saw everything that he had gotten her.

***

“I found a lead,” Tony whispered as they were heading into the elevator with Gibbs and McGee. “Come over tonight.”

She looked up at him grinned. Making sure Gibbs and McGee couldn’t see him, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it, smiling back at her.

“No grab ass in the elevator DiNozzo.”

“I was not grabbing any ass boss,” he said quickly, dropping her hand.

Some days Tony swore that Gibbs had eyes in the back of his head. Or if nothing else he could see everything and everyone in the elevator at any time. Maybe that was the reason he spent so much time in it. He rolled his eyes at Ziva as she covered her laughter with a cough.

***

Ziva walked into Tony’s apartment without knocking. Now that they shared their bed with each other almost every night, it seems foolish to knock. She was surprised to see Tony standing in his kitchen talking to a man she had never seen before. Suddenly knocking seemed like a better idea.

“Ziva,” Tony said with a grin. “I want you to meet someone.”

She stepped into the room, sizing the man up. His skin was almost the same shade as Tony’s and unless she was mistaken, his eyes were the same color. His hair was lighter, but she could see the similarities in the two men.

“This is Gerry,” Tony said with a smile. “My brother.”

Ziva’s mouth dropped open. She knew she should say something, or do something, but she couldn’t get words to form.

Gerry held out his hand. “I’m Tony’s bastard half-brother. Nice to meet you.”

She shook her head. “What?”

“I meant to tell you. But I never found the right time.”

“Brother?”

“Half brother. Same dad.”

“Except dear old Senior doesn’t even know that you know who I am.”

Ziva shook her head. “Guys. What?”

“Sorry Ziva. I’ll explain the whole Gerry thing later. Because we have other news, better news.”

Gerry nodded. “So Tony told me you wanted to find your mom. And I’ve been doing PI work for a few years. So I did some research. And it’s rough, and I have nothing definitive yet. But I did learn a few things. She moved to Paris after your father divorced her. And I have an address. I don’t know yet if she’s still there or not. The last known address is over six years old.”

Ziva nodded and reached out to Tony. His arms were around her in an instant and she leaned against him, trying to calm the breathing of her heart. A lead that was six years old wasn’t a lot to go on, but it was more than she had expected.

“Want to go to Paris?” He whispered.

She smiled up at him weakly. “Maybe.”

***

Tony nodded to his brother and showed him out. He had wanted to talk to Ziva before his brother showed up, but with their current case, he hadn’t found the time during the day. Now that she had been presented with his brother and the address for her mother all at one time, he was worried that she may get overwhelmed.

“You ok?” Tony asked Ziva with a frown.

She nodded. “You have a brother.”

“Half brother,” Tony took her hand and guided her over to the sofa. “My dad’s never met him. He doesn’t even know that I know about him.”

“How did you find out?”

Tony laid back on the sofa and pulled Ziva into his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he sighed. “When I was fifteen I came home one day to find a strange car in the driveway. It was almost a classic and I couldn’t resist looking it over. I thought maybe my dad bought it for me to fix up. So as I’m looking, this very pregnant woman comes over to the car.”

“Gerry’s mom?” Ziva asked softly.

Tony nodded. “She looked at me and asked me if I knew my father was a bastard. I nodded and told her I had known that for years. She laughed. I pointed to her stomach and asked if my dad had done that. When she nodded, I asked her who she was.”

“Already the little detective,” Ziva said with a grin.

“Pretty much. She told me her story, and I got her name and number. And I kept in touch,” Tony shrugged. “I was still a kid myself, but it was just me and my dad. I wanted a family. Dad was content to find a new woman whenever it suited him, but I wanted someone that could be a mother. None of the woman he was with could do that. I wanted something that felt like a family, no matter how dysfunctional.”

Ziva nodded. “I know the feeling.”

“Cybil, Gerry’s mom, invited me into their lives. Even if her son never knew his father, she saw the importance of him knowing his brother. And I took the chance on them and was welcomed into their lives. It was the most real family life that I ever had.”

“Sometimes surrogate families are the best,” Ziva whispered sadly.

Tony tightened his hold on her. “Gibbs loves you like you were his own you know. And Abby and McGee are the best surrogate brother and sister that you could ever want.”

“And you?”

Tony laughed. “I am certainly not your brother.”

She shifted and kissed his lips. “No. You are not.”

“We’ll find what we can Ziva.”

She nodded. “I know.”

He ran his fingers over her hand. “And no matter what we find, we’ll find it together.”

***

Ziva hummed softly to herself as she unpacked a box of glasses that Tony had talked her into buying. Her apartment was finally looking like a home instead of walls and a floor that she came home to sometimes.

 _Home._ She was finally home. It had been a long road, but she was a probationary agent, and on her way to becoming a citizen. It was the dream that her mother had always had for her. The dream she had laughed at her for.

She still remembered the last fight that she had with her mom. It was days after Tali’s funeral and Rivka hadn’t wanted her to leave. She had tried to persuade Ziva to leave for France with her. To walk away from Israel and Mossad, and her father. Ziva had said horrible things that she didn’t mean and had walked out the door. Years later she couldn’t help but wonder how her life may have turned out differently if she had listened to her mother.

She looked up at Tony came into the room, his arms loaded with bags.

“Where do you want all this?”

“Just set it on the table.”

Tony looked around the kitchen. “So since we got you everything you could possibly need for a kitchen, does this mean you’ll cook dinner tonight?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Too tired.”

He pulled out his phone. “Good thing I have the pizza place on speed dial.”

“Did you hear anything from your brother?” Ziva asked as she continued to put the kitchen together.

He shrugged and joined in her in unpacking bags of kitchen stuff. “Not really. Just the Paris address and he hadn’t been able to dig up anything else.”

She turned to him. “You have a brother.”

He nodded. He had been nodding at her every time she said it since she found out. She was pretty sure that he was getting tired of her saying it.

“Does anyone know?”

Tony shook his head. “I think Gibbs might. But we’ve never discussed it. Abby met him once accidently; we told her he was just a friend. I think for a few weeks she thought I was involved with him.”

Ziva laughed and shook her head. Stepping beside him she kissed him softly on his lips and then pulled away. “Why would she think that?”

“Because I hadn’t taken her to bed yet.”

“Yet?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah. Well when you didn’t come back from Tel Aviv, she may have spent a few nights in my bed.”

Ziva looked him in the eye, considering his words. “Does McGee know?”

“No,” Tony shook his head. “And you better never tell him.”

“Does she have skulls and crossbones on her pajamas?”

Tony laughed. “Yup.”

“Does she cuddle as well as me?”

Tony shook his head and frowned. “No one cuddles as well as you. Then again, you’re the only one I cuddle naked with.”

Ziva laughed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“You’re not jealous at all are you?” He asked, running his hands through her hair.

She shook her head and tried not to laugh at his genuine concern. “It is Abby. She is like your sister. There is nothing to be jealous of.”

***

“Tony, Ziva, go pack. You’re flying to Paris to pick up a witness.”

Tony looked at Gibbs in disbelief. “What?”

“Paris. Witness. Pack.”

Tony looked across the bullpen to Ziva whose mouth was hanging open. When he winked at her she shut it and started to pack up her desk.

“Before you go Tony. We need to talk,” Gibbs said, passing his desk.

With a sigh Tony stood and followed Gibbs to the elevator. He tried to not meet Ziva’s eyes even though he knew they were following him. Tony faced Gibbs as he entered the elevator and didn’t bother to look away. The best he could do was face the coming lecture head on.

“Don’t screw it up DiNozzo.”

“Screw what up boss,” Tony said with a grin.

“She has been through a lot. Don’t screw it up. I can’t stop you, and I won’t try. But if you screw it up, you will be an agent afloat again, and no amount of begging from Abby will bring you back.”

“So you’re saying we can do what we’ve been doing?” Tony asked, relief flooding through him. He wouldn’t need to pretend to lie to Gibbs after all. He knew the rest of the team would be happy for them when they decided to share the news with them, but Gibbs had scared him.

“I’m saying that you two can make your own choices. But I meant it the other day. No grab ass at work.”

Tony nodded. “Is Paris work?”

Gibbs shook his head, and Tony knew he was thinking about Jenny. “Paris is never only work.”

Tony grinned at Gibbs. “Thanks boss. And I promise, I have no intentions of screwing it up. If I do, you won’t need to send me afloat. She’ll kill me.”

Gibbs smiled. “She probably will.”

***

“I’m sorry we didn’t find her.”

Ziva looked up from the case folder and saw Tony’s frown. She had tried to ignore the fact that they didn’t find anything out on her mom other than learning where she used to live. Tony, on the other hand, couldn’t let it go.

“It is ok Tony. I did not expect to find her,” Only Tony had expected that. She shook her head. She knew he had this image in his head that they would find her and she and her mother would run toward each other like a scene in an old movie.

He crossed the floor until he was behind her. Wrapping his arms around her he kissed her neck. “You sure?”

She scooted out of the chair to turn to him. “Yes Tony. I am sure.”

He stepped back with a frown and for a moment she felt bad. Instead of saying anything she crossed the floor into the bedroom and shut the door. Throwing herself onto the bed she shut her eyes to keep the tears away. She wasn’t disappointed. That’s what she kept telling herself. She knew Tony’s perfect scene wasn’t going to happen, but if she was honest with herself she thought that they would at least find something.

She didn’t hear Tony open the door, but she felt the bed shift at his weight. Softly he touched her back. “Do you want me to sleep on the sofa?”

She turned to him and shook her head. “Why would I want that?”

“You’re upset. You’re trying to pretend that you’re not. But you are. I thought maybe you wanted to be alone.”

Ziva shook her head. “I am not upset.”

“Then what are you?”

Ziva shifted closer to him until her head was resting on his chest. “I am glad you are here.”

“And?”

“Just that,” she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I am glad you are here in Paris with me. If I had come alone, and had not found anything other than an apartment where she used to live, I do not know how I would feel. But having you here, I am not upset.”

Tony nodded and softly began to rub her back. “You know I’ll always be here.”

“I didn’t expect to find her Tony,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt.

“You expected something Ziva,” he pulled away and searched her eyes. “What did you expect?”

“Something,” she shrugged. “A lead. Another address. Someone who remembered her.”

“We’ll find something. I’ll talk to Gerry as soon as we get home. He’ll find something. Maybe he’ll find us a new lead.”

“Maybe,” Ziva said softly, settling against him.

“We’ll find out where she is Ziva,” he softly kissed her forehead. “I promise you that.”

***

“She moved to the states,” Gerry said with a grin. “I just found documentation that shows she applied for a French travel visa to come to the states.”

“French?” Tony asked as he turned to Ziva. “Not Israeli?”

Ziva shook her head. “My mother had dual citizenship. My grandfather was French, she was born there.”

“And then what?” Tony asked turning back to Gerry.

Gerry shrugged. “I don’t know yet. That’s the part that I’m still working on. It looks like she flew into New York in October of 2004. I can’t find anything on her visa that she ever left, so chances are she’s somewhere. I’m just trying to narrow down where.”

Ziva nodded with a smile. “Thanks Gerry.”

“Anything for you Ziva,” he said with a grin. He turned to Tony. “Mind if I talk to your girl alone?”

Tony looked from Gerry to Ziva and shrugged. “I guess. But don’t go making any moves on her. She’s mine.”

“I won’t,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve heard for years how she’s yours.”

Ziva laughed as Tony kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the room. “If he makes a move on you, feel free to attack him with a paperclip.”

Gerry looked at the doorway to make sure Tony had gone before turning to Ziva. “Now that he’s gone, I just wanted to take a minute and talk to you.”

“Did you find something else out about my mother?” Ziva asked as she led him over to the sofa.

He shook his head. “It’s not about her. It’s about my brother.”

“What about him?”

Gerry sighed. “He’s crazy about you.”

Ziva shook her head. “We get along. And we are good together.”

“He’s in love with you Ziva,” Gerry said softly.

Ziva shook her head. While it was true that she and Tony had become inseparable, she hadn’t allowed herself to believe that he was in love with her. Yes, it was true that she had feelings for him, but it wasn’t something that they had discussed. She wasn’t sure that they would ever discuss them.

Gerry patted her knee. “My brother isn’t good with expressing his feelings. He’d had his heart handed back to him one too many times. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And you are all he’s talked about since he met you. One day he’ll tell you.”

Ziva nodded. “That is a lovely idea Gerry. Even if I do believe it is a bit misguided. Thank you.”

Gerry nodded. Standing, he went into the kitchen to look for Tony while Ziva stayed on the sofa, considering his words. Surely if Tony were in love with her he would tell her. She knew they were attracted to each other, but both had been through enough in their lives that they didn’t stop to consider what they were to each other. The relationship worked best that way.

She felt something in her stomach as she heard Tony laugh in the kitchen. Biting her lip, she frowned. She wasn’t sure how Tony felt about her, but she was starting to think that maybe she was falling in love with him. She shook her head. It was something that she would never admit to him for fear he didn’t feel the same. Maybe one day it was something they would talk about, but until that time she would keep those feelings to herself.

***

Tony rolled over in the bed and opened his eyes when he discovered that Ziva’s body wasn’t tucked against his. He smiled when he saw he standing at the doors to the balcony, dressed in a sheer robe, looking outside. Silently he slid from the bed and joined her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She smiled up at him and leaned into him.

“Come back to bed,” he whispered into her ear. “It’s lonely without you.”

“This is freedom,” she said softly, still looking out the window.

“What is? Not being in bed with me?”

She chuckled. “No. This window. Looking out. Seeing the city.”

“Not seeing bars and sand.”

“Exactly.”

Tony kissed the side of her head. “I wish I had gotten there sooner.”

“I am glad you got there.”

“It wasn’t the same without you,” he said, tightening his grip on her waist. “We tried to make it work, but it didn’t. And it wasn’t like when we lost Kate. We knew she could never come back, and that hole healed. With you, it never got better.”

“I will never leave again,” she said as she leaned up and kissed him.

Tony smiled. He was in love with her. He hadn’t figured out how to say the words. All he knew was now that he had her; he was going to make sure that he never lost her again. He had heard Gerry talking to her, telling her how Tony felt, but he also heard that Ziva didn’t quite believe him. He knew that he had to tread lightly, the last thing that he wanted to do was scare her away. He would just need to continue to bite his tongue until the time was right.

***

It only took a few weeks for Gerry to come back with the news. He came on a Wednesday, without a phone call first. Tony was out getting groceries to cook dinner, and Ziva was taking a nap on his sofa. As soon as she let him in, Ziva could tell from the expression on his face that he hadn’t found anything good.

“I’m sorry,” he said shaking his head as he handed her a manila envelope.

She silently looked at the envelope and back up at him. “You have found her?”

“I’m sorry Ziva. I didn’t expect this,” he hugged her, and quickly stepped out of the apartment.

She turned the envelope over in her hand, trying to decide if she should open it, or wait for Tony. Finally she took a deep breath and opened it. Scanning over the documents she saw the certificate of death and medical records from a hospital in North Carolina. Shaking her head she dropped the papers on the floor and backed away from them.

 _Rivka Marie David Striker. Deceased July 18th, 2009._

She sunk onto the sofa, her head a mix of emotions. Her mother was dead, and her father was as good as dead. She was truly alone in the world. Something she had always imagined to be true was now undoubtedly true. In an instant her world shifted, and everything changed. She was alone, with no one to call family.

It was Tony’s fault. His and his brother’s. Tony, who had a family, however dysfunctional. He had a father, and a brother, and an almost mother. And she was alone. She shut her eyes to block out the tears. She had to get out of his apartment before he came back. The walls suddenly felt like they were closing in on her, and she was having trouble breathing. She didn’t dare stay any longer, or Tony would come in with his pitying look and suffocate her further.

Her hand was on the door when he swung it open, almost hitting her.

“I have to go Tony,” she said pushing past him.

“Where? What’s wrong? Do we have a case?” He asked, tugging at her arm.

She looked back at him and shook her head. “No. I have to go. I cannot do this. I cannot do us. I thought I could, but I cannot.”

She could feel Tony’s eyes on her as she walked away, but that didn’t stop her. She was on her own, and it was better that they both accepted it now, then later on when they would both be hurt. She had to leave before he told her he loved her. She was alone, and she didn’t want to be loved by anyone that would just end up leaving her. Because in the end, she was always alone.

***

Tony stood in his doorway and stared at Ziva walking away. He wasn’t sure what had transpired in the last hour since he had left her. Looking in his apartment, he saw papers on the floor by the sofa. Leaning down to read them, he sunk onto the sofa with a sigh. This was his fault. He had gotten her hopes up only to have them dashed.

Grabbing his car keys, he headed to Gibbs’s house, hoping he would find her there.

***

“Ziva?” Tony’s voice rang out through Gibbs’s house as he descended the cellar steps.

Gibbs looked up from his workshop. “What did you do DiNozzo?”

“Ziva’s not here,” Tony looked puzzled. “Was she here? Or did she call or something?”

“DiNozzo?”

Tony sighed. “I didn’t do it boss. At least I didn’t mean to. And we didn’t fight. She just ... she just walked out.”

“Why?”

“Got some bad news,” Tony muttered. “And I wasn’t there when she got it.”

“Gerry find her mother?” Gibbs asked softly.

“How did you?”

“Know about your brother? Or know what he was doing?”

Tony shook his head. “Because you’re Gibbs. I know.”

“What did her find?”

Tony sighed and stared across the cellar. Looking at Gibbs he shook his head. “Her mother’s dead.”

Gibbs nodded. Grabbing a mason jar, he dumped the screws out of it and poured a generous amount of whiskey into it. “When?”

“Last summer. While Ziva was in Somalia,” Tony took a drink from the glass. “And I wasn’t there when she found out. All she said was it’s over and took off.”

Gibbs nodded, but stayed silent. Tony sighed and looked at Gibbs.

“When you send me afloat, just promise that you’ll keep an eye on her.”

“I’m not sending you anywhere DiNozzo. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not going to punish you for it.”

“Not even a headslap?”

Gibbs shook his head. “Not even a headslap. You seem to be beating yourself up enough.”

***

Ziva slipped behind her desk right on time. With a glance at Gibbs she quickly busied herself with the pile of paperwork that she had left the night before. With any luck, they wouldn’t have a case, and she could hide at her desk for the whole day.

She didn’t regret her decision. But she knew that Tony would want to try to talk things out. She wasn’t sure how she would convince him that her mind was made up. Everything would be better without any emotional attachment.

“Ziver?” Gibbs’s voice interrupted her from her paperwork.

“Yes Gibbs?”

“Can you run down to autopsy and get that report that Ducky said he’d have for me?”

Ziva nodded and stood, glad for a reason to get away from her desk. She could feel Tony’s eyes on her, and knew that he was only moments away from saying something.

The elevator had almost closed when Tony’s hand appeared, forcing it open. He slid inside and leaned against the wall beside her. Once the elevator started moving he reached out, hitting the emergency stop.

“I do not have anything to say Tony.”

“I saw the papers,” he gently touched her wrist. “I’m sorry Ziva. I’m sorry about your mom, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. You shouldn’t have been alone.”

She looked up at him, her eyes dead. “I am alone. It is ok Tony. It is better this way.”

“You don’t mean that Ziva, you’re just hurting.”

She pulled her arm away. “It was fun Tony. And I hope we can still be friends. But I cannot keep doing what we were doing. I just want to be alone.”

“So you’re saying you want me to see other people?”

She nodded.

“You’re sure?” Tony said, reaching toward her to brush a strand of hair from her face. “No more you and me spending the night together, no more cooking together, watching movies. You want me to do that with someone else that isn’t you?”

“Yes Tony. That’s what I want,” she said softly as she leaned forward and turned the elevator back on. “I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that makes you happy.”

She stepped off the elevator and tried to ignore that she heard him whisper that _she_ made him happy.

***

It was a work night. He knew he shouldn’t be at the bar, but he had lost the ability to care. It had been a week, and Ziva wasn’t budging. She refused the flowers that he sent to her apartment, wouldn’t take his calls outside of work, and had even taken to partnering with McGee every chance she got. He supposed he should be thankful that Gibbs hadn’t called them both into the elevator. But in a strange way, he wished he would.

He didn’t even notice when a woman sat down beside him until he heard her voice.

“Tony. It’s been a while. You haven’t been in for your boss’s coffee, in weeks. I hope he is still your boss.”

Tony looked up to see the familiar barista. “Brenda. Hi. Yes, he is still my boss. I just haven’t been making the coffee runs.”

“Shame. I miss seeing you around,” she said, leaning closer to him.

Tony knew it was stupid. But Ziva was the one that had told him to find someone else. And suddenly another woman was throwing herself at him. He knew this dance, and as much as he loved Ziva, she had made her feelings clear.

It only took a few more drinks and they were walking out of the bar together laughing. He wrapped his arm around her waist and started down the street with her.

“I live right around the corner,” she said looking up at him, her green eyes glowing from the streetlight. “You coming over for coffee?”

He winced when she giggled at the word _coffee_ but he nodded. There was nowhere else he wanted to be tonight where he would be welcomed; he may as well go home with her. The idea left an empty feeling in his stomach, but it was no emptier than his apartment without Ziva curled up beside him.

Her apartment was a small walkup, cramped and messy. She had barely locked the door before kissing him. She pulled him into the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. His hands found her hips as they fell onto the bed.

He went through the motions. He knew what to do when it came to pleasing women, and Brenda was no exception. In just a matter of minutes she was moaning his name. He didn’t even have to try hard.

When it was over, he rolled away and fell asleep, the beer in his system making him too tired to leave, even though he knew he should.

***

Ziva tried to smile as McGee told her about Brenda, and she tried to keep her catty remarks to herself as Tony panicked over the change in his relationship status. She had told him to move on, and he had. He was back to doing what felt good in the moment, and forgetting about the consequences. It was better this way.

As least that was what she tried to tell herself. That was what she had been trying to tell herself for weeks. She hadn’t ever gotten around to telling McGee or Abby about her short lived relationship with Tony, and she wasn’t ready to talk to Gibbs about it. Instead she brooded about it alone in her bed at night.

But he would thank her one day. When he was married and settled with cute little kids and a little blond wife. He would thank her. And she would nod and smile, and grow old alone.

***

Tony considered smashing his cell phone. He still wasn’t absolutely sure how Brenda had gotten his number, and he didn’t know how to get rid of her.

He looked up at the screen, profiling the missing witness. _Dana Hutton._ There was someone that he could like. In a lot of ways he reminded her of Ziva. Strong, independent, brave, not scared to do what she needed to do.

He knew he had to save her. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know where to find her, or what to do with her once he had her - he had to prove to himself that he could do it. He had to prove that saving Ziva wasn’t a fluke, a onetime thing. If he could save Dana, then maybe he could love someone else too. Ziva was the only woman he had saved, and the only woman he had loved. If he could do one again, then maybe he could move on and do the other as well.

***

She watched in silence as Dana held out her arm, the telltale mark on her arm saying more than Dana could. Ziva could feel the air go out of Tony as he saw another person leave him. She had to turn away. Silently she walked out of the bookstore and into the night.

McGee followed, and tugged at her arm. “What’s wrong Ziva?”

She shook her head. “It is just tragic. Tony really liked her.”

“Tony really likes you,” McGee said softly.

Ziva paused and turned to him. Opening her mouth she started to ask him how he knew, but stopped. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to have this conversation. She shook her head and turned to walk away when McGee grabbed her arm and pulled her to a bench.

“We need to talk Ziva,” he said with a frown. “Now I don’t know what happened between you and Tony in the last couple of weeks, and I don’t know that I want to know. But something changed. And you need to fix it.”

She met his eyes and slowly shook her head. “I broke up with him.”

“With who?”

“With Tony. We had been together. Since the day I came back from Somalia,” she paused and frowned. “Since they day you all brought me back. And I ended it.”

“Why?” McGee said, leaning closer to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “Why would you do that?”

She shrugged. “It would not work between Tommy and Lisa.”

McGee shook his head. “They are fictional characters based on who you and Tony used to be. You’re not like them anymore. You two have changed in ways my characters never will. If I wrote Tommy and Lisa now, and based them on who you two are, they would make it work.”

“We cannot make it work.”

McGee laughed. “If anyone can make it work, the two of you can.”

“He does not want me anymore.”

“He slept with Brenda,” McGee said pulling her closer. “And hated it. Every minute of it.”

“How do you know that?”

“He is my friend Ziva. He hates to admit it, but he is. And we talk. And while he failed to mention the two of you, out of respect for you, I did get to hear about the horror that was, and is, Brenda.”

“Oh,” she said softly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Promise me you’ll talk to him?”

She nodded and sighed. She knew McGee was right. She needed to talk to Tony. She missed him more than she was willing to admit. Even her small apartment felt too big without him, and she knew her bed felt empty.

***

Tony stepped out of Gibbs house feeling more lost than he had when he went in. He had wanted to ask what he should do about Ziva, but he didn’t know how. Now that he was rid of Brenda, and fate had taken yet another women from him, all he really wanted was to crawl into bed with the only woman that he could love and never come out.

Instead he stopped at the corner store and stocked up on junk food and beer. It was going to be a long night of watching movies and not sleeping. For a moment he considered calling Abby to come over, but if he did he would have to admit to her what happened between him and Ziva. And he was not ready to hear a lecture from Abby.

Instead it would be a night alone. In his apartment, where he would not be able to make any more stupid mistakes. He could become a monk. He chuckled at the idea. Since the only one that he wanted to be with didn’t want to be with him, it could be a possibility.

He opted for the stairs instead of the elevator and slowly carried his grocery bags up the stairs to his empty apartment. Sticking his key in the door, he swung it open and saw a familiar form waiting in his entry for him.

***

She launched herself at him. She hadn’t meant to, but after pacing his apartment for an hour, and sitting on his entry table for another half hour, she was desperate. She crushed the bags of groceries that he held in his arms and she pulled away long enough for him to drop them on the floor and shut the door.

Then she was back in his arms, her hands wrapped around his waist, pulling at his shirt, trying to get him as close as possible. He lips found his and she grinned as he kissed her back hungrily. He stepped toward her, pinning her against the wall, as his hands roamed her body, one at her waist, the other tangling in her hair.

Ziva wrapped her leg around his, pulling him closer until his weight was crushing her against the wall. Never had feeling trapped felt so safe and warm. He pulled away first and she groaned, her body coming off the wall, following him.

“Ziva,” he whispered, meeting her eyes for the first time that day.

“I am sorry,” she whispered. “I miss you.”

Tony nodded and pulled her against him. She nestled into his arms, thankful that he didn’t ask questions, or worse, tell her to leave. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the floor and carried her into the bedroom.

She smiled up at him as he laid her gently on the bed. Crawling beside her, he laid his head on her stomach and waited.

“I do not want to be alone Tony. I do not want to be without you.”

He grinned up at her and gently kissed her stomach. “I was hoping you’d come around.”

“Can we start over?”

He shifted until he was lying beside her. “No.”

She felt her stomach drop and she shut her eyes. “Oh.”

“We can’t start over Ziva. I don’t want to start over. I want to pick up right where we left off,” he said softly kissing her eyelids.

She opened her eyes and smiled. “Can we pick up right now?”

He tilted his head, pretending to consider her words. Then with a frown, he shook his head. She shot a questioning look at him as he slid off the bed and headed toward the bedroom door. Turning back he laughed.

“I have ice cream in those bags Ziva. I have to rescue it first. Then we can pick up.”

She laughed. “Can you bring the ice cream back here?”

With a grin he nodded. “I think that can be arranged.”

Ziva grinned back at Tony as he walked away. Rising from the bed, she riffled through his dresser until she found her favorite shirt. It was from a charity event while he was on the Baltimore force, and it was worn soft with age, and fell just below her thigh. Slipping off her shirt and pants she slipped it over her head before heading back to the bed.

He laughed when he came in, his hands laden with a movie, ice cream, and wine. “Comfy?”

She nodded. “I missed your shirt.”

“I hope you missed me more. Because that shirt is spending the night on the floor.”

She reached her hand out to him, pulling him onto the bed. “I did miss you more my little hairy butt.”

He handed her the carton of ice cream and pulled two spoons from his pocket. “Dessert madam.”

“Thank you.”

“And wine. The best in the house.”

“No glasses?”

Tony shook his head. “Nope. Ice cream from the carton, and wine from the bottle. And a movie on the tiny screen.”

Ziva looked at the TV in the corner. “That is not a tiny screen Tony. It is at least 32 inches.”

“It’s smaller than the one in the living room,” he said. So it’s the tiny TV.”

“What are we watching?” She said scooting closer to him.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” he said with a grin as he crossed the room and slipped the movie into the player.

“One of my favorites,” Ziva said with a smile.

Tony nodded and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. She nestled her head against his shoulder. For the first time since she had walked out of his apartment she felt at peace. Finally she was back where she belonged.

***

Tony smiled at Ziva who had fallen asleep on his chest half way into the movie. He gently kissed her forehead and she wiggled in her sleep, wrinkling her forehead at his touch. He laughed softly as she opened her eyes, staring up at him.

“I fell asleep.”

“You always fall asleep during movies.”

“Only with you,” she said rolling closer to him, tangling their legs together. “I like falling asleep on you more than I like movies.”

“I like waking up with you,” he said, touching her cheek with his hand.

“I am sorry I left Tony. I panicked. And I did not want your pity,” she shifted, meeting his eyes. “I did not mean to hurt you.”

“Why would I pity you?”

“Poor Ziva. All alone. No family,” she frowned. “I did not want you to feel like you had to take care of me.”

Tony laughed. “You can take care of yourself ninja, I’m not worried about that. But I want to be with you, because ... well because I do. You have to know how I feel.”

“How do you feel Tony?” She whispered. “Gerry had told me, and McGee had told me, but I want you to tell me.”

He leaned over and kissed her nose. “I am crazy about you Ziva.”

She nodded and he noted that she softly shifted away from him. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. Taking a deep breath he ran the words through his head.

“I love you Ziva.” The words came out softer than a whisper, but he knew she heard them from the way her hands tightened into fists, holding onto his shirt. “I always have.”

He smiled at her as she pulled away and met his eyes. His hands drifted to the bottom of his shirt that she was wearing, and he tugged at it, pulling it to her waist.

“Show me?” She asked softly.

“Show you what?”

“That you love me,” she leaned closer. “As much as I do you.”

“Of course,” he said with a grin as he shifted them, rolling her onto her back as he pulled the shirt from her body. Kissing her neck, he made quick work of the rest of her clothes, and quickly tossed his to the floor as well.

***

They walked into the office together the next day. Laughing, joking. Their pinkies touching as they stepped out of the elevator. Ziva slipped into her seat quietly as she caught Gibbs and McGee staring at her. Tony, however, had no fear of the eyes or the attention. He followed Ziva to her desk and softly whispered in her ear before kissing the side of her head. She laughed and shook her head as he walked away.

“So you worked things out?” McGee asked.

Ziva looked at Gibbs, who smiled at her and then nodded at McGee. “We did.”

“I’ll tell you McProbie. Make-up sex is the best kind of sex,” Tony said with a grin.

She threw a paperclip at him, hitting him in the forehead. “That is none of his business.”

“You will kiss that better later,” Tony said rubbing his forehead. “And it’s not like they don’t we slept together.”

“DiNozzo. What did I tell you?” Gibbs asked looking up with a glare.

“No grab ass in the office. And I didn’t go anywhere near her ass. Here, in the office.”

Gibbs rolled his eyes. “Can you two just behave? We have a case.”

“I am sure Tony can keep it in his shorts until later,” Ziva said shooting him a look.

McGee tried to hide his grin as Gibbs shook his head at the group. “Case. Dead Marine. Get on it. Ziva, you’re with McGee.”

“What about me boss?”

“Go see Abby.”

Ziva shot a look at Tony and tried not to laugh. Gibbs was going to have his hands full today, and it had nothing to do with the case, but rather the newly healed relationship of his team. McGee shook his head as he walked over to her, and she grinned at him, her mouth silently thanking him for their talk.

***

Tony thought that he would never let her go. He wanted to spend every moment he could making her laugh and smile. The weeks that they hadn’t been together had been the worst ones in his life. Worse than when she stayed in Tel Aviv, because here he could see her, and she didn’t want him. But now she was back. And he was never going to let her go.

They hadn’t talked about her mother or his brother since the night they made up. He wanted to bring it up, talk about the file with her, but he was terrified she would get angry and leave. He didn’t know how to tell her that he had read every word of the file and wanted to share everything he knew with her.

“Tony?” Ziva asked softly, shifting on the sofa. “What happened to the file?”

“What file?” He asked, pulling her closer.

“On my mother. The one I left here,” she looked up at him, biting her lip. “What happened to it?”

Tony sighed. “Promise you won’t get mad?”

She nodded.

“I kept it. And I read it,” he sighed and ran his hands through her hair. “I still have it.”

“I want to read it,” she said softly, pulling away from him. “I need to read it.”

He nodded. “It’s not all bad. Gerry found out a lot about your mother once he tracked her down.”

“I should not have lost my temper that night,” she said slowly as Tony stood to get the file.

Tony turned back to her and took her hands. Pulling her to her feet he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I should have been here when you opened the envelope. I shouldn’t have left you here alone.”

“You know the solution to that?” she asked, looking up at him, meeting his eyes.

“Never leave you alone again,” he said with a grin as he leaned down and kissed her softly.

She grinned against his lips and for a moment he considered scooping her up and carrying her to the bedroom. With a soft whine he pulled away, breaking the kiss. Crossing the room he grabbed the folder from a stack of papers on his desk. With a sad smile, he handed it to her before sitting back on the sofa and pulling her into his lap.

She leaned against him and opened the file. She flipped through it, but he could tell it was overwhelming her. Wrapping his arms around her, he took the file from her and began to turn through it, pointing out some of the more interesting things that Gerry had found.

“After she came to the U.S. she ended up moving to North Carolina. She met someone there. She got remarried to him about the same time you started working for NCIS,” Tony said softly, pointing to the marriage certificate that Gerry had found.

“She replaced me,” Ziva said softly, running her fingers over the paper. “She found a new family.”

Tony wrapped his arms around her. “She didn’t replace you. Nothing and no one could replace you Ziva. She just replaced Eli. Which isn’t such a bad thing.”

He hugged her tightly and waited for her response. He could tell she was battling within herself, trying to weight the truth of his words. When a soft chuckle escaped her lips he grinned and softened his hold on her.

“I wish I could have seen her. I wish she could have seen me.”

“I know Ziva,” he kissed the back of her head.

Tony hugged her close as they went through the rest of the file together. Silently he cursed himself that he wasn’t there the first time. This is how it should have happened the first time. Reading it together, talking about it.

***

She woke up screaming for her mother. As Ziva sat up, she whimpered Tony’s name, and his arms quickly wrapped around her. Gasping for air, she clung to him.

“It’s ok Ziva. It was just a dream. I’m here. I’ve got you,” he said softly.

She nodded, her body still shaking as she buried her head against his chest. The pounding in her chest wouldn’t stop as she continued to gasp. She felt Tony pull away and slip from the bed. He was back before she could panic, and pressed a glass into her hand. Taking a sip, she let the cool water slide down her throat.

“Better?” Tony asked.

She nodded.

“What to talk about it?”

“I dreamt of her funeral. Except she was buried but she was not dead. And she tried to get out of her coffin, but she could not and I could hear her scratching on the lid, and no one else heard it. And I tried to save her, and I was in the hole with her and they were burying me with her,” she shook her head and looked up at Tony, the fear still glowing in her eyes.

His eyes never left hers, and that alone made her feel better. He was there for her. Right beside her, holding her, loving her.

“Do you want to go see it for yourself?” Tony asked softly.

“See what?”

Tony gently rubbed her back. “Where she was buried. Maybe it will help.”

Ziva shook her head. “I do not need to see it.”

“What about her new family? Do you want to meet them?”

Ziva started to tell him no, and then stopped himself, as she considered what he was asking her. A chance at a new family. Tony had a second family that his father didn’t know about. Maybe she should meet the man that Rivka fell in love with. It wouldn’t be her family, but maybe it would let her see a new side to her mother.

“Maybe,” she said softly, surprising herself with the answer. “I will need to think about it.”

Tony nodded. “Whatever you want to do. I’ll help you.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, laying her head back down on his chest. “We will talk about it later.”

He ruffled her hair. “Ok ninja. Get some sleep. Stop having nightmares.”

***

Tony had quietly talked to Gerry about the conversation, being careful to leave out the nightmare part of the story. He had smiled at his brother when Gerry said he’d look into it.

Ziva amazed him. She went about her day to day life as though she didn’t have a care in the world. He knew no one at NCIS, not even Gibbs knew the extent of her upset. None of them knew about her nightmares or the things that she confessed in the dark to him.

Ducky had pulled him aside after Laura Macy’s case had been solved and questioned him about Ziva’s emotional state. Tony had answered the questions without giving anything away. The things that Ziva had told him were between them, and any scars she had from her time Somalia were ones that he was going to heal.

Tony could feel a change coming in the agency as Abby became more withdrawn since her case in Mexico, and Gibbs seemed to be more aware of everything, without being concerned for any rules. But through it all, the only one that Tony found that he could care about was Ziva. She was the only one that he wanted to help. And if that meant spending the night holding her after a nightmare, that’s what he did. If it meant sitting up with her watching movies so she didn’t have to think about a case, that’s what they did.

***

Ziva was sitting on her sofa reading when she heard a key in the door. She didn’t look up as Tony came in, her face still buried in a history book that she didn’t totally understand. A bunch of flowers was shoved in her face and she gasped softly and looked up.

“What are these for Tony?” she asked as she took them from him.

He shrugged. “Just because.”

“I thought you were going to work late and I would not see you until tomorrow,” she said as she crossed the room to find a vase. “I was planning on studying all night.”

“You don’t need to study Ziva. You know this stuff,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I thought maybe we could do something else tonight.”

“What?” She asked, meeting his eyes and grinning.

“Well, maybe just stuff.”

“You want to sleep over after I’m done studying?” she asked, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

Tony sighed and suddenly pulled away. She heard him mumble under his breath, but wasn’t sure what he had said. She reached her hand out to him, lightly touching his arm. When he turned back to her, she frowned as she realized something was on his mind.

“What is it Tony?” She asked. “Gibbs? Or Abby? Do not say McGee, he is the only ones whole life seems ok right now, and I cannot handle something being wrong with him.”

Tony shook his head and pulled her to the sofa. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I talked to Gerry.”

Ziva shrugged at his brother’s name. “So, you talk to him quite a bit don’t you?”

“I told him that we talked about maybe trying to meet your step family,” Tony took her hand and squeezed it. “I didn’t tell him about the nightmares or anything - just that we wondered about meeting them.”

Ziva nodded as her voice caught in her throat. In the past she would have been mad for what he just told her, but she trusted him. Whatever he was about to say couldn’t hurt her, or at least he didn’t think it could hurt her. Otherwise he wouldn’t be saying it.

“And?” she whispered

Tony sighed and pulled out a letter from his pocket. “This is for you. It’s from Rivka. Gerry said that he talked to the family, and Rivka told them about you. And when she knew she was dying, she wrote this for you.”

Ziva pulled the letter from his hand and stared at. In elegant script on the front was her name. She traced the letters, written in her mother’s hand and looked up at Tony. He silently kissed the top of her head. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath.

“We don’t have to read it right now if you don’t want to Ziva. There’s no rush,” Tony said softly, smoothing her hair.

She shook her head. “She thought about me Tony. I need to read it. She thought about me.”

Ziva knew she was repeating herself, but holding the letter in her hand, she couldn’t believe that something like it existed. She had never allowed herself to believe that her mother still cared about her after she walked away at Tali’s funeral. This letter proved otherwise.

“She’s your mother. Of course she thought about you. You don’t just forget someone because you don’t always get along.”

Ziva nodded, leading against Tony as she ripped the envelope open. Unfolding the letter, she started reading.

 _My darling Ziva,_

 _As I write you now, I know that I am dying. I am not afraid to die, but I do wish that I had the chance to see you before I depart. Mossad is no help in sharing where their agents are, and I do not dare go to your father. Even if I could speak to him, I would not trust his answer._

 _I am sorry that I have allowed so many years to go by. I should have tried to find you when my health permitted it. I thought I had more time, and now that my time is up, I do not know where to look. I have never stopped loving you my Ziva. Please remember that, my dear._

 _I have fallen in love for the first time in my life. While I did care for your father, it was never the fairy tale true love that one hopes for. Something like that is rare, and if you have been lucky enough to find it, never let it go. Jack is a wonderful man, and I hope you take the opportunity to meet him. He has two grown children as well, and they all know about you. I like to think that you would like them._

 _I have instructed Jack which items I would like you to have. His door is open anytime that you want to come, and I hope that you will come. There are certain memories that I want you to have. I hope that you will be able to get them._

 _I love you my darling daughter.  
Rivka_

Ziva stared at the paper in silence. She felt Tony wrap his arms around her and hug her close. Taking the paper from her hand, he set it on the table and wrapped her in his arms. She shifted, her head resting on his chest.

“She still loved you Ziva,” he whispered.

She nodded against his chest.

“Do you want to go to North Carolina?”

She nodded again, not trusting her voice.

“As soon as we wrap up the case, we’ll see about taking some time off and going down.”

Ziva pulled away and looked at Tony. “We?”

“I wouldn’t let you to go alone Ziva.”

“I know. I just like the word we.”

Tony smiled. “Your mother’s right you know. If you find true love you need to never let it go.”

“I do not plan to ever let you go Tony,” Ziva said softly as she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

***

“I can’t be there tomorrow Ziva,” Tony said with a frown. “I want to be, and I almost told Vance where he could stick the job, but I didn’t. Instead I agreed to go.”

“Go where?” Ziva asked slowly, meeting his eyes.

“Mexico.”

“I hate Mexico,” Ziva said with a frown. “I really hate Mexico.”

He wrapped his arms around her. “I know. And I’m sorry. You know I would rather be with you.”

Ziva nodded, and Tony felt his heart break a little. When Vance gave him the assignment he wondered for a moment if he was being tested. The job, or Ziva. He almost asked. But instead he had kept his mouth shut and took the assignment.

“I fly out on the red eye. I’m to follow Alejandro but not engage,” Tony sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Unless you want me to tell Vance to shove it.”

Ziva shook her head. “You cannot lose your job over this. You will go to Mexico, and I will become an American, and when it is all over and you are home, we can celebrate together.”

“I don’t leave for a few hours Ziva. Maybe we could celebrate now.”

Ziva grinned up at him. “Celebrate how?”

“Maybe order a pizza and lay around in bed for a few hours until I have to leave.”

“Lay in bed? Just lay?” She said with a laugh.

“I guess we could do other things in the bed if you wanted to.”

“It is your last chance to sleep with a woman that is not an American,” she said with a sly grin.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” he said with a shrug. “But either way, it’s you, and that’s all that matters.”

He grinned at Ziva, but his smile faltered when she didn’t return his grin. Stepping closer to her he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. He felt her breath turn ragged and he scooped her up, carrying her to the sofa.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

She shook her head. “Nothing. Just nerves. Everything changes tomorrow.”

“Any regrets?”

“No,” she looked up at him, and bit her lower lip. “I know that I am doing the right thing. I know that this is the right decision. I do not regret becoming an American, quitting Mossad, joining NCIS - all of it is what I needed to do. I do not regret any of it.”

***

Tony laid in the bed, Ziva draped over him, and stared at the clock. He had to leave soon to catch his flight, but he couldn’t make himself move. He couldn’t shake the fear that something could happen to him in Mexico, and he would never see her again. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

“You will be back,” she said calmly, running her fingers down his bare arm.

“What if I don’t?” he whispered into her hair. “What if something goes wrong, and I don’t come back.”

“Then I will come for you,” she murmured into his ear. “Just like you did for me.”

Tony took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of Ziva’s shampoo. With a soft sigh, he shifted beneath her and started to slide from the bed. “You know I love you.”

She lightly tugged him back to the bed and wrapped her arms around him. “I know.”

“I’ll bring you something back,” he said with a sad smile.

“You just bring yourself back,” she glanced at the clock. “I will see you in less than 48 hours.”

“And then we’ll celebrate,” he said with a smile as he kissed her softly. “I will be home, and you will be an American.”

“We will have a lot to celebrate,” she said with a grin. “I will be here waiting for you. Do not make me come after you.”

“I will try,” he said squeezing her hand as he finished dressing and grabbed his bag.

She pulled him to her one last time and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Pulling away he smiled sadly. She leaned forward and placed a final kiss on his cheek.

“I will see you soon,” she said with a sad smile as he walked out of the room.

He had to fight the urge to turn around and stay. Trailing a suspect in Mexico couldn’t be more important that being there Ziva in the morning. Suspects came along every day – what she was doing was a onetime thing. With a sigh, he headed out the door, hating what he was doing, but knowing if he wanted to stay at NCIS he didn’t have an option.

***

Ziva awoke to an empty bed and sighed. While she knew Tony hadn’t had an option, and while she knew that she would have forced him to go if it came down to it, she was still upset that she would need to get ready alone.

A buzz from Tony’s hallway made her pause. He hadn’t told her that he was expecting anyone to come over. Heading to the intercom she hit the talk button.

“Yes?”

“Let me up.” Abby’s voice came over the intercom and Ziva grinned as she buzzed her in.

Opening the door to the apartment she stood half in the hall waiting for Abby. As Abby stepped off the elevator and launched herself at Ziva, she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Tony called me, and said I had to come over and help you get ready because he had to leave. And I couldn’t not. Because how can you say no to Tony? I mean you can’t. So here I am. He told me to tell you that he knows I’m not him, but I’m the next best thing.”

Ziva pulled away from Abby and laughed. “You are not Tony, but he is right. You are the next best thing. I was just thinking that I hated being alone this morning.”

“Well now you’re not,” Abby grinned. “I was surprised when he told me to come here to see you instead of your place. I mean I know you two are, well, together. But I was surprised you were staying here when he wasn’t here.”

“He did not leave until early this morning Abby.”

“Are you staying here tonight without him?”

Ziva shrugged. She hadn’t given the matter much thought, but since most of her things had migrated to Tony’s apartment she hadn’t seen a reason to stay anywhere else while he was gone.

“Why do you still have your apartment?” Abby asked narrowing her eyes. “You’re not just going to up and leave Tony again are you?”

Ziva shook her head. “I have no plans on leaving Tony. But I do want my own apartment. I do not spend every night here Abby. And sometimes Tony and I need our own spaces. I like staying here with him, but I am not ready to actually live with him.”

Abby nodded, apparently satisfied with her answer. Ziva shook her head as she pondered Abby’s words. She still had her own place because some days she felt trapped and needed to get away. Tony understood that and hadn’t tried to pressure her into getting rid of her apartment. It wasn’t that she felt trapped by Tony, but after some cases she liked to get away and be alone. Sitting on her balcony and looking at the streets below made her feel better. Most times when it happened, Tony would give her the space she needed and then show up with dinner. Some nights he stayed, and on occasion he went home if she needed him to. If they shared a place she would have that opportunity. Sharing an apartment was not a step that she was ready to take with Tony no matter how far they had come in a few short months. One day maybe she would. But for now becoming an American was all the change that she was ready to handle.

Abby grinned at Ziva and pulled her towards the bedroom. “Let’s get you ready. Aren’t you excited? I’m excited and I’m not even the one becoming an American. I’m so happy for you Ziva. I never would have guessed when I first met you that this day would come.”

“You hated me when you first met me Abby,” she said with a smile as she remembered how hostile the goth had been for her first few months.

“Not true,” Abby said shaking her head causing her pigtails to swing back and forth. “I hated Ari. And you were his sister, so I didn’t know how I felt about you. And you were trying to replace my best friend on the team. But I did not ever hate you.”

“If that was you not hating me, I would not want to know what hate looks like from you,” she said shaking her head.

Abby cocked her head considering Ziva’s statement. “You’re right. You wouldn’t want to know. It would have been ugly.”

Ziva laughed as she looked at the serious expression on Abby’s face. After a moment, Abby joined her in laughing. The two chatted as Ziva got ready. It wasn’t the same at Tony being there, but the one upside that Ziva saw was that she would be ready on time because getting ready with Tony usually meant that one of them would drag the other back to bed before they got a start on the day.

Getting ready with Abby’s help was fun, and in no time they were out the door and on their way to the ceremony. As Ziva stepped into the room where the ceremony was being held, she had to bite back tears as she saw the whole team assembled in their seats, waiting for her. Looking around she wondered where Gibbs was for a moment. She wondered if he would even show. Something had changed in her father figure recently, and a part of her was worried they would never have the same relationship they once shared.

Facing forward she forced herself to stop looking at the door and wishing Gibbs would appear. She was already surrounded by more family then she knew she had, and that would be enough.

***

Tony was six hours late coming home. After the shooting in the square, he had been held by the Mexican government just long enough to ensure that he would miss his flight. To say that he was annoyed was an understatement. He hadn’t been able to call anyone in DC until he landed, and by then all he had done was check in with Gibbs on the way back to his apartment. He was so close to home that calling Ziva would only make his wish he was there sooner. The events of the day did not lead themselves to being discussed over the phone.

He wasn’t ready for Ziva to launch herself at him when he opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her as soon as he dropped his bag and was surprised to feel her shoulders heaving as she cried into his chest. Pulling her away, he met her eyes with a frown.

“I’m sorry I was late. And then I couldn’t call. And by the time I could, I was almost home, and it seemed stupid. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“Gibbs did not come today,” she said, tears still falling from her eyes. “Then I did not know where you were. I started to worry.”

“What do you mean Gibbs wasn’t there?” He said, tuning into the most important thing she said.

“He never came. Thank you for sending Abby to me. She was there. And the rest of the team, but no Gibbs.”

“Do you know why?”

She shook her head. “I worried something happened to you and that was why he was not there. And then you were late. And no one knew anything to be able to tell me anything. And I did not want to call Vance.”

“I’m fine Ziva. I don’t know where Gibbs is but he wasn’t with me. I talked to him a little while ago, filled him in on Mexico while the cab brought me home.”

Ziva bit her lip and nodded.

“Should I have called you instead of calling Gibbs?” he asked.

“That is not why I am upset Tony. It is not you that I am upset with.”

Tony nodded and pulled her closer to him. Gibbs hadn’t given any indication that something was wrong when he talked to him. Surely if something was so wrong that he missed Ziva’s ceremony he would have said something. Or at least the old Gibbs would have. He wasn’t so sure about the new Gibbs.

“Do you want to go see him?” Tony asked softly.

She shook her head against his chest. “No. I want to go to bed. With you. I do not care where he was. I want you.”

He smiled sadly at her, her answer so definite. In the past he would have felt proud of the fact that she wanted him, and not the father figure in their lives. Now he was still happy that he was her first choice, but at the same time, his heart broke a little for her, and he wondered if the relationship between Gibbs and Ziva would ever be the same.

Ziva pulled away and looked up at him. “I mean it Tony. I can hear you thinking. The thing with Gibbs is nothing. You are the one that I missed. You are the one I want to celebrate with.”

***

 _Celebrate._ That was the only thing that Ziva could think of. Celebrate because she was an American. Celebrate because Tony was home. Right now those were the only things that mattered. With a grin she pulled him to the bedroom.

She laughed at the look on his face when he stepped inside. After her ceremony she and Abby had gone shopping for some essentials. Tony’s bedroom was now awash in candlelight. Small battery operated tea lights glowed on every flat surface of the room. On the bed she had placed silk rose petals, and on the nightstand she had champagne chilling.

Tony grinned and wrapped his arms around her, spinning her in the air. “A little romantic evening put together by my American girlfriend?”

She nodded and kissed his neck. “When you were a little late, I was so excited for you to get home to see it. As it got later, I got worried you would never see it.”

He kissed her softly. “I’m here now and I see it. It’s wonderful.”

Ziva nodded and pulled him to the bed. Kissing him deeply she let him take control, and he gently laid her on the bed, quickly ridding her of her shirt and pants. Pulling his shirt over his head, she ran her hands down his chest, looking for new wounds.

He laughed and kissed her neck. “I’m fine Ziva. I don’t have a single mark on me from Mexico.”

“Just checking,” she said with a grin.

He unbuttoned his pants and smiled at her. “Want to check down here? Maybe check really well.”

She hit him lightly and laughed before doing exactly as he asked. Tossing his pants to the floor, she ran her hands down his bare chest to the waist of his boxes. He whined softly as she kissed his stomach and slipped her hand under the elastic band, softly pulling them down. She lowered her mouth to taste him, and laughed as his hips bucked off the bed.

She was surprised when his hands stopped her from repeating the action. She looked up at him as he tugged her to him.

“What’s wrong Tony?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Nothing,” he said running his hands through her hair.

“You do know that American girls do that,” she said with a grin.

He laughed. “I know that. But I’m six hours late Ziva, I don’t need any foreplay.

She gasp as his fingers slid between her legs, touching her overtop of her satin string bikini. She moaned softly and arched into his hand. He pulled it away with a grin.

“That was mean,” she said narrowing her eyes at him.

He kissed her softly. “You’re ready too. I can feel it.”

She kissed him back, as she ran her fingers through his hair. His hands unhooked her bra and he ran his fingers over her breasts, causing her to shiver. He laughed as he kissed her. He looped his fingers through the elastic of her underwear and quickly tossed them to the floor.

She shifted until she was over top of him, and slowly lowered herself onto him. It only took a moment for them to find their rhythm. He rolled them over, the shift in position pushing Ziva over the edge as he took control. The stress of the day melted away as they came together.

After, she laid beside him, half asleep when she felt him turn beside her. Opening her eyes, she saw him staring down at her.

“When do you want to leave?”

She shook her head. “Leave where?”

“For North Carolina?” He ran his hand down her arm. “The trail is cold for now, but that’s going to change. This may be the only chance we have for a while to get away.”

She nodded. “Then we should go.”

“You sure you’re ready?”

She pondered his question for a moment before shaking her head. “I do not know if I am ready, but I do not want to miss the chance.”

“I’ll call Gibbs tomorrow and take care of everything.”

She nodded as shifted closer to him. Her eyes drifted shut as she realized what it felt like to have someone truly care about her.

***

She had been quiet the whole car ride down. Tony had gotten her to talk a little, but it seemed that the closer they got to North Carolina the more withdrawn she became. It wasn’t until they checked into the suite he had rented at the hotel that he realized she hadn’t said a word in almost two hours.

“Do you want to go to lunch before or after we go to the house?” He asked wrapping his arms around her.

Silence. Kissing her neck he asked again only to have her shrug. With a sigh he pulled her over to the bed and laid down. Wrapping his body around hers he held her and waited. It didn’t take long for the first tear to fall. Silently he wiped it away.

“She is gone,” Ziva shook her head. “She is gone and she never had the chance to know...”

“I know Ziva. And I’m sorry,” Tony whispered.

“I am free of Mossad, and my father, and Israel, and she will never know that.”

“I know Ziva.”

“I cannot do this Tony. I cannot go to some stranger’s house and talk to them about her. I just cannot do it,” she said burying her head in his shoulder.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to Ziva. Whatever you feel comfortable with. But when I talked to Jack he said that he had some stuff you might want and he didn’t want to mail it. So we’ll go and we’ll pick it up. And if you want to leave after that, we can.”

“Thank you for coming with me Tony.”

“You know there’s nowhere else I’d be sweet cheeks,” he said gently kissing her. “Now, are you ready to go, or should we feed you?”

Ziva shook her head. “I am ready to go.”

***

He kept his hand on her back as she rang the doorbell. An older man opened the door and smiled.

“You must be Tony,” he said putting his hand out. “I’m Jack.”

Tony shook it and nodded. “Nice to meet you Jack.”

Jack turned to Ziva. “And you are clearly Rivka’s daughter. You look just like her you know.”

Ziva bit her lip and smiled. “I did not know that.”

“Well, you do. I’ll show you some pictures,” Jack stepped back. “Come on in.”

Tony nodded and gently nudged Ziva in the door. He felt her body tense as the crossed the threshold, but she didn’t protest and instead followed Jack further into the house.

Stepping into the kitchen, Tony felt Ziva relax and lean into him. With a smile, he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Nice place you have here Jack.”

Jack nodded. “It’s a bit much now that it’s just me. But I raised my kids here, and lost two wives here. I’m not ready to let it go just yet.”

Tony nodded as the room lapsed into silence. He had just rested his head on Ziva’s shoulder when he heard a door slam.

“Dad!” A voice yelled, “Can I borrow your truck?”

Jack smiled. “My son, Daniel. He’s home on break from college.”

Daniel came into the room and stopped short when he saw Tony and Ziva. “That her? Rivka’s daughter?”

“I’m sorry my son seems to have no manners,” Jack said with a frown. “Yes, that’s Ziva. Your stepsister.”

Daniel shrugged and looked at Tony. “Who are you?”

“Tony DiNozzo. Your, a, your, well, Ziva’s partner.”

“Not Tony DiNozzo from OSU?”

Tony nodded.

“Dude. No way. That’s where I go. I’m in Alpha Chi. You’re a legend there, did you know that?”

“Well, you know,” Tony shrugged.

“So you’re dating my stepsister?” Daniel asked looking at Ziva with more interest.

“I wouldn’t, well, yes. I guess we are.”

“Cool,” he grinned. “Wait till I tell the guys in the frat. They’ll think I have the coolest stepsister anywhere. If you two get married, we’d be almost related!”

Tony laughed as the boy turned back to his dad and held out his hand for the keys to the truck.

“I just washed it. Don’t take it mudding,” Jack said handing over the key.

Daniel nodded and headed for the door. Turning back he looked at Ziva and Tony. “See ya.”

Jack looked back at them. “He’s a nice kid. Just a little preoccupied. You have a stepsister too. She’s married. Lives a few miles from here. She’s pregnant with twins.”

Ziva nodded and Tony gently rubbed her back. “I’m sorry Jack. I think this whole thing is just a little much for her.”

Jack nodded. “Totally understandable. If you want, I can point you to Rivka’s things, and you can be on your way. But I do hope you will stay in touch.”

***

Ziva was grateful for Tony’s hand on her back. To say she was overwhelmed was an understatement. She had always pictured her mom growing old alone. She hadn’t imagined that she would have found herself a new family. Especially not a new family that was so different from her old one. It was a strange feeling, and she didn’t know if her mother had tried to replace her or not.

She nodded as Tony and Jack loaded a few boxes into the car. As Jack stuck out his hand, so took it, and was surprised when he pulled her to him.

“Your mom would be proud of you. Always know that,” he whispered into her ear.

She pulled away and brushed a tear from her eye. “Thank you. For everything.”

Jack nodded as she and Tony got into the car.

As they were pulling away, Tony took his right hand from the wheel and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight. “You ok?”

She nodded.

“Rivka didn’t replace you,” he said, reading her mind. “She just added to her family.”

Ziva nodded. “Can we go back to the hotel Tony? I do not feel up to going to the cemetery just yet.”

“Of course. Do you want to bring the boxes up, or can they wait.”

She considered his question. “I think I would like them brought up. I do not know if I am ready to open them.”

***

Tony walked beside her quietly as the rounded the bend to her mother’s grave. They had been in North Carolina for two days, and would be heading home in the morning. He knew that Ziva was putting it off, but he hadn’t wanted to push her about it until today.

They had spent the first night, into the early morning, going though the box of Rivka’s things. Ziva had told him stories of her childhood while they looked through photo albums that her mother had kept. He had been surprised to find that Tali and Ziva looked more alike than she had ever said. Even after looking at pictures he still had trouble telling which pictures were of Tali and which were of Ziva.

He had been shocked to find that she knew Malachi as a child, and he laughed as she told him stories of her and Tali playing with Malachi. It surprised him to find out that even in Israel, children played doctor. He was happy to find out that he wasn’t threatened by her stories, and instead could laugh about them.

They had eaten dinner once with Jack and Daniel, and had even made a quick stop to meet Joyce, Ziva’s stepsister. Tony was glad to find that her surrogate family was making an effort, even if it was awkward and forced at times. While he knew they were no substitute for blood relations, it gave her someone besides the team.

Ziva stopped suddenly and grabbed Tony’s hand. He looked up and saw the tombstone. Silently he squeezed Ziva’s hand and stepped toward it. Laying his hand on the stone, he looked at Ziva.

“What do I do?” She asked, looking at him.

Tony shrugged. “After my mom died, I used to walk to the cemetery and sit beside her tombstone and talk for hours.”

Ziva shook her head. “You could talk to a rock for hours.”

“I know. Tombstones are made of rock,” he said squeezing her hand. “Just talk to her. Tell her what you’re thinking. What you’ve been doing. Talk to her as if she was right in front of you.”

Ziva nodded and took a deep breath. “Ok. Right. Hi mother, mom. I am sorry I am so late. I wish I had been here before you died. I wish I had been able to know you. I became an American citizen last week. I am sure you would be proud. I was captured last summer, taken prisoner in Somalia. Tony rescued me.”

She looked up at Tony who smiled softly at her. Letting go of her hand, he wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against him, thinking about what she could say next, when Tony spoke.

“Hi, Rivka. Tony DiNozzo here. I’m dating your daughter. I hope you don’t mind. I like to think you’d approve of me. I saved your daughter from a terrorist last summer. I guess I did that about the time that you were dying. I wish I could have rescued her sooner. Maybe we’d have found you in time then. She’s a great girl. You’d be proud to see what she’s become.”

Ziva smiled at him. “I think you would like him mom. He isn’t like anyone we used to know it Israel. And Eli can’t stand him. That right there would make you love him. Life is pretty good. I met your new family. I think I like them. I was mad at first when I heard about them, but I understand now.”

“You understood the need for love, didn’t you, Rivka?” Tony asked as he kissed the side of Ziva’s head. “I think you did after meeting your family. I want you to know that I love your daughter. One day I plan to propose to her, and marry her, and have kids with her. We’re going to have beautiful Italian ninja babies one day.”

Ziva laughed at his words and he kissed her softly. When he stopped she ran her hand over the smooth stone.

“I miss you mom. I am sorry for everything,” Ziva’s face fell in an instant and she buried her head into Tony’s shoulder.

“I’ll take care of her Rivka, I promise,” Tony said giving the tombstone one final touch.

“Bye mom,” Ziva’s final words came out lower than a whisper.

Tony gently guided her back down the path to the car in silence. Once inside the car, he squeezed her hand as she wiped away her tears.

“You did good Ziva.”

“Thanks for being there. And for talking to her.”

Tony nodded and started up the car. He had meant every word that he had spoken. One day when the time was right, he saw marriage and babies in the future for them. For now, it was enough that she had let him this far into her life.

***

Ziva looked sadly at the boxes in the back of Tony’s car as he finished loading everything in for the drive back to DC.

“Having second thoughts about leaving?” he asked ruffling her hair. “Want to see if we can start a team down here?”

She swatted at his hand. “No. I was just thinking that all that is left of my childhood is in those boxes.”

“Surely your dad has some stuff, doesn’t he?”

She shook her head. “My mother took everything when she left my father. He said he did not want that junk cluttering up his house.”

“I’m sorry Ziva,” he said hugging her. “When we have kids we’ll keep everything.”

“When?” she asked, raising her eyebrow. “What do you mean when?”

“I told you mom I was going to marry you and we were going to have babies, don’t you remember?”

“I did not know that you were serious,” she said, shaking her head.

He smiled. “I’m not saying I’m going to ask you today. But one day I plan to. This isn’t just a passing relationship Ziva. I want to make something of this. And I think you do too.”

She nodded and bit her lip, not trusting her words. She had heard him say it at her mother’s grave, but she hadn’t given it much thought. It was something that she wanted one day, but in the back of her mind she had always been scared to discuss with Tony in case he didn’t have the same idea. While she loved where they were in their relationship, she knew one day she would want more.

“Is that a yes? You want more?” he said with a grin.

“One day, yes, I would,” she said smiling back at him.

As they got on the road back to DC she grinned as he took her hand. Last year when she was captured she had imagined that her life would end in a dark desert terrorist camp. A year later she had a life that she could have only dreamed of. Even though the path had been bittersweet, in the end, it had been worth it.

She glanced at Tony as he turned onto the main road out of town. He glanced at her and held out his hand. She took it and he gently squeezed it before weaving his fingers through hers. Looking down at their hands intertwined she smiled. In the end, through all the bad, she was grateful for where she had ended up.

***

EPILOGUE:

She looked around the empty apartment with a sad smile. She had kept the apartment that she and Tony had found for her for three years. It was the first thing that she had been able to call her own after Somalia. It had been the first place that she had been able to battle her demons and the place that she and Tony had shared their first kiss. She gently touched the wall. There were so many good memories in the apartment that it was hard to let it go. That was why she had held onto it for three years.

She knew everyone on the team thought that she was crazy for paying rent on an apartment that she almost never stayed it, but she hadn’t been ready to say goodbye to it until now.

Now seemed like a good time. Everything was changing around her, and this was the change that she needed to make. Gibbs was retiring and taking his newest boat out for an extended sailing trip. When he returned he was going to spend time watching his surrogate daughter-in-law and granddaughter grow up. Tony was taking over the team, and while she often teased him about it, she knew that he was perfect for the job. McGee and Abby had each found someone, much to Ziva’s surprise they hadn’t ended up together as she had always imagined that they would. But in the end, they were both happy and that was what mattered most. Palmer and Breena were still happily married and expecting their second child. The only dark spot in the last few years was the sudden decline of Ducky’s memory as he succumbed to the same disease that destroyed his mother. He had good days and bad days, but he had handed his job over to Palmer the previous year. But he was still Ducky and on his good days it felt as though nothing had changed.

She turned when she heard the door open and smiled at Tony as her crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her.

“Ready?”

She nodded. “It is time.”

“Only if you’re sure,” he said, lightly running his finger over her thumb.

“It is silly for me to keep it Tony. We both know that.”

“It’s not silly Ziva. You weren’t ready. And that was fine.”

She shrugged. “I always wanted to keep it because what if we fought, or what if we couldn’t make it work. And now I know.”

“What do you know?”

She twisted the diamond on her ring finger. “I know that we will fight. And then we will make up. And it will never be easy, but I would rather it be hard with you than easy with anyone else. I know that you are my family.”

He smiled softly at her and kissed her nose. “I’ve always know that you’re my family.”

She nodded as he kissed the top of her head. Looking around the empty apartment one last time she took Tony’s hand and headed out the door into their future.


End file.
